Kids Tell the Ugly Truth: Not so PG

Kids Tell the Ugly Truth

Chapter Eighteen: "What's Something You Did That You Really Hope No One Ever Finds Out?"

Preface

As we get closer to the end of the volume, it's time to turn up the heat and let the ugly truth get a little less PG. Tonight's Cards Against Humanity-inspired question is: "What's something you did that you really hope no one ever finds out?" From innocent mischief to secrets that are a little more grown-up, we're giving each age group a chance to spill—no judgment, just laughter and maybe a little gasp. And because secrets have a way of coming out, we'll add a "What Would You Do?" scenario for when the truth is on the verge of being exposed.

Show Introduction

[The set features a giant locked diary, a "Guilt-O-Meter," and the spinning wheel. Tiffany enters with a detective's hat and a flashlight, ready to shine a light on the secrets.]

Tiffany Haddish:

"Welcome back to 'Kids Tell the Ugly Truth!' Tonight's question is for all you secret-keepers out there: 'What's something you did that you really hope no one ever finds out?' We've got confessions from toddlers to teens, and trust me, some of these are juicier than a spilled juice box. And, of course, we're throwing in a 'What Would You Do?' scenario for when your secret's about to see the light of day. Let's spill!"

Tonight's CAH Question:

"What's something you did that you really hope no one ever finds out?"

Toddler (3-4 years old):

Statement: "I colored on the wall and blamed it on the cat—even though we don't have a cat."

Government (CAE): "Clean the wall and say sorry."

Humanity (CAH): "Draw a picture for Mommy to make up for it."

Cartel (CAR): "Hide the crayons and keep quiet."

Karen/Kevin: "Insist it was the cat every time."

CAR Tell Me: "Run and hide under the bed if someone asks."

What Would You Do?

Someone finds your secret art on the wall. What now?

Toddler: "Say sorry and help clean up (but still blame the cat a little)."

Middle Kid (5-9 years old):

Statement: "I looked at my big brother's phone when he wasn't around and saw his texts."

Government (CAE): "Admit it and apologize."

Humanity (CAH): "Promise to respect privacy from now on."

Cartel (CAR): "Keep the secret and use it for blackmail—just for snacks!"

Karen/Kevin: "Say, 'He shouldn't have left it unlocked!'"

CAR Tell Me: "Act innocent and never mention it."

What Would You Do?

Your brother asks if you touched his phone. What do you say?

Middle Kid: "Admit it if he promises not to get mad."

Preteen (10-12 years old):

Statement: "I searched for stuff online I knew I wasn't supposed to—then deleted my history."

Government (CAE): "Confess if asked and accept the consequences."

Humanity (CAH): "Talk to someone about why I was curious."

Cartel (CAR): "Clear the history and never speak of it again."

Karen/Kevin: "Say, 'Everyone does it!' if caught."

CAR Tell Me: "Deny, deny, deny."

What Would You Do?

A parent asks to see your browser history. What do you do?

Preteen: "Say my device glitched and hope they don't check."

Teenager (13-17 years old):

Statement: "I snuck out after curfew to meet someone and lied about where I was."

Government (CAE): "Come clean if asked directly and accept the grounding."

Humanity (CAH): "Apologize and promise to be honest moving forward."

Cartel (CAR): "Keep the lie going and cover my tracks."

Karen/Kevin: "Say, 'You never let me do anything!' and start a fight."

CAR Tell Me: "Act cool and pretend nothing happened."

What Would You Do?

Your parents get suspicious about your night out. How do you handle it?

Teenager: "Stick to my story unless they have proof—then confess."

Wildcard Round

Tiffany:

"Wildcard! What's the sneakiest thing you've ever gotten away with?"

Toddler:

"I hid cookies in my pillowcase and ate them at night."

Middle Kid:

"I watched a scary movie when my parents were asleep."

Preteen:

"I read my sibling's diary and put it back before they noticed."

Teenager:

"I used someone else's ID to get into a concert."

Tiffany's Take

Tiffany:

"Y'all, secrets are like glitter—no matter how hard you try, they always show up somewhere. The ugly truth is, everyone's got something they hope stays hidden. But if it comes out, own it, laugh, and maybe don't blame the cat… unless you really do have a cat!"

End-of-Episode Credit

Tiffany (on screen):

"Thanks for spilling the secrets with us on 'Kids Tell the Ugly Truth.' I'm Tiffany Haddish. For more laughs, wisdom, and confessions, visit tiffanyhaddish.com. See you next time—keep it real, but maybe keep it a little less messy!"