I didn't mean it.

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XAVIER'S POV;

I got back from the journey hours ago but I decided to stay back in the city till nighttime. The words Selene spoke rang in my ears.

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" How can I protect her, how can I keep her safe from me." I asked, my voice low as I tried hard to not to sound weak.

" Stay away from her, especially when you start to hear those voices." Selene warned as she sipped from the cup of tea.

_____

How could I?

How could I stay away from her?

The only woman who understood me, the only woman who could see through my lies, who could see the…real…me

I don't know what It was that I felt for her but I wanted to be with her, I wanted that strange comfort which came from staying with her.

But would I be able to do it?

Would I be able to pull away when those voices come back?

Would I be able to protect her from Me?

I traced my fingers through my hair— frustrated and exhausted.

My horse neighed and I looked up, a bit startled. We were already home.

Home—

A place I dreaded with my entire being but now, something changed and somehow. I hated it a little less. I had a little glimmer of hope, a small ray of sunshine waiting for me inside. Eliana, and I couldn't wait to see her.

Those beautiful big brown eyes which held secrets— secrets I badly wanted to uncover. Her soft hands, which brought me warmth even in the cold, a cold that I couldn't escape.

I had only known her for a few days and yet, she captivated me so much.

So much so that it scared me.

The thought that one day, I would lose control and probably hurt her like I did with others broke my heart.

I carried my horse to the stable and stepped down. I couldn't go to my room, not yet. I needed to calm myself. I needed to think.

I walked to the garden, a place which granted me comfort and peace. The only place that accepted me in this miserable world of mine.

I was about to sit down on the bench when I saw her. Eliana. Staring into the nothingless space, her back faced me as she admired the beauty of the flowers. But their beauty couldn't compare to hers. She was ethereal.

I hesitated.

Should I go?

Should I Not?

I should. I decided after some minutes of consideration, I picked myself from the bench and walked to her, my steps slow.

Even though I was scared of hurting her, scared of ruining whatever it was we had, I felt she needed me and I couldn't deny, I needed her too.

I reached her and slowly, put my hands around her waist. Her hair grazed my chin, her skin felt warm against mine. She stilled at first then eased into my hold.

I guess she realised who It was.

She slowly pulled away. Was she still upset?

Of course she was, I had hurt her and I couldn't even apologise.

She turned to me and I instantly felt nervous. What would I tell her?

" H- Hey." great way to start a conversation, Xavier!

I expected her to lash out, curse me or even worse push me away but she did the opposite. She wrapped her hands around me.

I felt a small storm of butterflies swirl inside me. Her frame so small between my arms. "I missed you—" she said and my heart skipped a beat.

"I-I missed you too—" I stuttered, as her words sank inside me. Then silence followed, comforting silence.

The type which I think we both needed.

We stayed like that for a while and her warmth still lingering in my arms.

The world around us seemed to fade. And I felt and saw us— together. Peacefully. I didn't want to let go. Not now. Not ever.

Then suddenly, something shifted.

She stiffened…subtly, but I felt it.

Eliana pulled back—not abruptly but just enough to create distance between us. A distance I didn't want.

Her brows pinched, her eyes unreadable.

"I didn't mean it—" she said, her voice sharper than before. "Don't read too much into it."

My chest sank.

She stepped away, her arms folding over her chest like a shield. "I was emotional. That's all."

I didn't say a word.

Not because I didn't have one — but because I wasn't sure which one wouldn't break me.

Instead, I nodded. Just once.

Even though every part of me screamed to reach for her again.

" What are you doing here? Do you now remember my importance?" She glared and I shifted, furrowing my brows.

" What do you mean? Didn't Magnus tell you that I was leaving?" I asked, a bit confused as to why she was upset.

She exhaled. " So if I was to leave for somewhere and asked Amara to tell you that I left you wouldn't be upset?"

" I-I—"

" Not only that, you ignored me and acted like I didn't exist…" she cut me off, her voice laced with anger.

I felt so bad that she felt this way. "I'm So—" I wanted to apologise when she spoke again. "And now you come back and expect me to be happy with you? I'm not a toy Xavier!" She bit out. Her brown eyes boring into mine.

" I know you're not one, I just—"

" You just what? Decided to ignore me? What did I do wrong?"

I was jealous! I wish I could say that but maybe this was for the best. It's best we stay this way so I'll be able to protect her.

That's the only thing I can do for her. The only way to protect her…from me.

I remained silent as she glared daggers into my eyes.

I hated it, I hated that she looked at me with such anger and pain. I wanted to wipe it off, replace it with a smile, but it wasn't that easy.

"I'm sorry." I rasped and walked away. Leaving her there.

It's for the best... Isn't it?