Chapter 16. The Alchemy.

"This happens once every few lifetimes. These chemicals hit me like white wine."

I let my head hang low, rubbing a hand over my face, until a familiar voice cut through the noise.

"August… Are you okay?"

I looked up to see Mallory approaching, her expression just as sad as mine probably was. My throat tightened. I slowly shook my head no. Because I wasn't okay. I was torn over stupid boys, my best friend had barely spoken to me, and despite everything, I still didn't regret what I had done.

Mallory didn't hesitate. She threw her arms around me.

"I'm so sorry, Mals," I whispered into her shoulder.

"Me too, Auggie. I should've said something about Hannah, and I definitely shouldn't have thrown your virginity in your face." Her voice was quiet but firm.

I pulled back just enough to meet her eyes. "No, I shouldn't have even said that. It's not your fault. And honestly… I don't think it would've changed the outcome."

She nodded, but there was still something in her expression, something uncertain. She sank onto the stool next to me. "I just… I did feel like I was to blame. At least a little bit. Because I knew how you felt about waiting. I should've been more protective of you." She hesitated, then added, "But if you really don't regret it, then… I can't be mad at you. Not that I was mad about what you did, I just—"

"I don't regret it, Mals. Honestly" I reached for her hand, squeezing it. "At all. I promise. And I don't want you thinking you had any part in this. I know that I was waiting but I don't even feel destroyed over that. I… I'm more destroyed over the fact that I'm enjoying it." My voice cracked slightly, and I could feel the heat creeping up my neck. It was one thing to admit I'd crossed a line, but another to confess how much I liked it.

"It's crazy cause I've always looked up to you. Perfect August. Who was looking for her perfect soulmate. Only to find out you're just as twisted as the rest of us. That's actually kinda comforting." She threw her arm around me and pulled me in closer. We stayed there for a few minutes until we heard a voice from the side of the pool.

"Awww did my girl's makeup?" Dani waded over to us with a few drinks and a bottle in hand. We jumped off the stools, water dripping down our legs as we made our way to grab the drinks Dani had in her hands. I couldn't help but laugh as Dani handed me a glass, her eyes already gleaming with mischief. "Alright, time for fun," she said with a grin, leading us to the jacuzzi.

"No more heavy topics, just heavy drinks please!" I exclaimed. 

"I'm cool with that! Come join me, the water's perfect!" Hunter shouted from the other side of the pool already in the hot tub. 

We shrugged and decided to join him. When we finally got into the jacuzzi Justin and Marshall joined minutes later. Each of us had a drink in our hand and not a single care in the world. 

"Well y'all this is our last night just the six of us before everyone else fly's in, so let's make it memorable!" Dani raised her glass to the center of the hot tub. We all followed suit and took a sip. We sat there for a while making conversation with each other. Talking about everything under the moon above us. Until Dani got a mischievous look in her eye. 

"Oh no she has the look!" Mallory shouted. 

Dani covered her mouth trying to hide her giggle. "Never have I ever!" 

We all shook our heads because leave it to Dani to always start a game, but eventually we all gave in. 

"Okay okay I'll go first!" Mallory raised her hand. "Never have I ever…left in the middle of a date!" I looked around and everyone but Mallory and I took a sip. 

"Dani! Marshall?! You both have!" I squealed. 

"Listen, he would talk with his mouthful. I couldn't handle it!" Dani defended herself. I turn to look at Marshall waiting for his answer.

"She wouldn't let me get a word in edgewise. And I just knew it wasn't going to go anywhere." He finally said. He looked over at Dani who was glaring at him. 

"And somehow you're sitting here married to her!" Dani fake shoved him and laughed. We all couldn't help but laugh with them. 

"I left but immediately came back because I left my wallet and the rest is history." Marshall grabbed her hand and gave her a small kiss on her knuckles. 

"Alright, my turn! Never have I ever said the wrong name during a hookup!" Hunter laughed to himself, splashing water as he leaned back. 

Justin, Hunter, Dani and Mallory all drank. More laughter erupted. 

"Never have I ever…gone skinny dipping!" Dani cut through the laughter. This time everyone but me drank. They all turned to look at me and I could feel my face warm up. It was becoming evident I hadn't done anything wild in my life. I think last night was the craziest night I've ever had. Justin and I made eye contact. Our gaze lingered seconds too long. I could feel my chest tighten as he parted his lips to say something. 

"Oh, pure, innocent August!" Justin smirked, the corners of his mouth curling up in that annoying but somehow endearing way. I rolled my eyes, my cheeks flushing at his words. He knew exactly how to make me feel like the world was suddenly way too small for the two of us. I took a sip from my drink, though his gaze lingered.

"I guess it's my turn, but, uh, as you all know, I haven't done much." I let out a soft laugh, and the group chuckled along with me. "Hmm… never have I ever kissed someone and immediately regretted it."

I took a small sip. A beat of silence stretched as I realized, all eyes were on me. Then, one by one, they each lifted their drinks and took a sip. We all stayed quiet a second too long before the laughter erupted.

"August! You bad girl!" Dani teased, wagging her finger at me.

I shrugged, laughing quietly before giving in. "Okay, okay. So… I went to this party at a frat house during rush week. And while, yes, I am a good girl, I still went with a few of my roommates for moral support." I took another sip of my drink, stalling just enough to build suspense. "Anyway, I met this guy. His name was George. He was tall, very cute, and we got to talking. And now, I never kiss someone I don't know, but we had this moment, he closed his eyes, leaned in a little, and… he was cute, so I leaned in."

I paused dramatically. The group was dead silent, hanging onto every word.

"And then?" Hunter prompted.

"Our lips met… and he immediately threw up all over me."

"NOOOO!" Dani shrieked, slapping the water so hard it splashed over the edge of the hot tub.

Mallory gasped, covering her mouth in pure horror. Marshall physically recoiled, shaking his head like he needed to rid himself of the mental image.

Hunter groaned, grimacing. "Oh, dude. That's traumatic."

Justin, meanwhile, looked personally victimized. "That's criminal," he said, shaking his head. "There should be laws against that."

"The worst part?" I continued, my voice rising. "Besides smelling like puke for days. I had already given him my number. I never wanted to see him again, I was embarrassed for him and for myself. But guess what?" I pointed, my voice dripping with disbelief. "He texted me the next morning. Said there was 'something special' about me and asked if we could still get to know each other."

Dani screamed. Mallory shoved my shoulder, laughing so hard she could barely breathe.

"Did you respond?" Marshall asked, wincing.

"Oh, I blocked him and avoided him like the plague every time I saw him on campus," I said, throwing up my hands.

Justin looked like he was in physical pain from secondhand embarrassment. "This is why you never trust a frat guy named George."

"Lesson learned," I said, shaking my head as the group continued to groan and laugh.

Dani wiped away a tear, still giggling. "Honestly? That might be the worst one I've ever heard."

"And yet," Justin smirked, "our pure, innocent August lives to tell the tale."

I rolled my eyes, but I was laughing too. The game continued, but for the next few rounds, every so often, someone would mutter "George" under their breath, sending the group into another fit of laughter.

As the night wore on, the group started thinning out. Mallory was the first to leave, followed by Hunter. The rest of us, Dani, Marshall, Justin, and I, lingered a little longer, soaking in the warm water, the moonlight reflecting off the pool, and the drinks that still flowed freely between us.

Marshall took a sip straight from the bottle of tequila, then turned to me with a curious look. "So you've really spent your whole life sheltered? Have you ever just wanted to, I don't know, break free from it?"

I let out a soft laugh, swirling my drink in my hand. "Honestly? No. Not until very recently." I exhaled, my gaze drifting toward the bubbling water. "And that's only because of what my mom did to me. If I hadn't found out she was lying about the cancer… I probably wouldn't have even gotten drunk yesterday." I paused, the words settling over me as I realized how true they were. "She had me in such a chokehold. I didn't even know it."

Marshall gave an understanding nod, and Justin inched closer, reaching over to give me a light tap on my shoulder. Marshall handed me the bottle of tequila, and I took a big drink from it, the burning sensation tracing its way through my body once more.

The silence stretched for a moment, a little too heavy, until Dani suddenly gasped. "Wait. August."

I blinked. "What?"

She leaned in, her expression unreadable. "Are you telling me you wouldn't skinny dip even in Hawaii?"

Marshall groaned. "Dani—"

"No, no, this is important," she interrupted, pointing at me like I was on trial. "You're in paradise, you're drinking straight from the bottle, and you're not going to have your wild, reckless moment?"

Justin smirked, shaking his head as he leaned back against the edge of the hot tub. "Oh, she's definitely thinking about it now."

I scoffed, but my face was already warm. "I am not—"

"That's it. We're doing it," Dani announced, standing up so suddenly that water splashed over the edge.

I gaped at her. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me. We're all doing it. Right now." She pointed at each of us. "No one gets to back out."

Marshall groaned. "Dani, this is how we get arrested."

"Oh, please, we're at a private residence, and no one is around so no one's gonna see us!" She was already pulling at the straps of her swimsuit. "C'mon, don't be cowards."

Justin turned to me, raising an eyebrow. "What do you say, pure, innocent August?"

Something in my chest twisted at the challenge in his voice, at the way his lips curled like he knew I wouldn't do it.

I narrowed my eyes. "Screw it."

Dani let out a victorious whoop as she tossed her bikini top to the side, and before I could overthink it, I stood up too.

One by one, clothes were discarded, and with nothing but moonlight and tequila in our systems, we ran through the gates of the backyard and straight into the ocean.

The water was colder than I expected, shocking against my skin, but the rush of it made me laugh so hard I nearly doubled over.

"I cannot believe you're actually doing this!" Dani cackled, splashing water in my direction.

"I hate that I'm doing this!" I yelled back, but I was grinning so hard my cheeks hurt.

Justin swam up beside me, his voice low and teasing. "So, how does it feel, breaking free once more from your sheltered life?"

I turned to him, the moon reflecting off the water, the alcohol making everything buzz. I didn't have a good answer. I just knew I didn't feel like the same girl who had stepped onto that plane.

So instead, I splashed him straight in the face. He paused momentarily before lunging at me, wrapping his arms around me and swinging me through the water. I shrieked, gripping his shoulders on instinct as waves splashed around us.

"Justin!" I pleaded, laughing. "Put me down!"

He didn't…at least, not right away.

My bare skin slid against his, my legs instinctively wrapping around his waist for balance, and suddenly, everything shifted. The teasing, the laughter, it all quieted under the heat rolling through my body.

I felt his breath against my thighs. His grip tightened just slightly. The thoughts of earlier in the day, what we had started but hadn't finished, swirled in my head. My stomach tightened, anticipation crackling between us like static.

And if I didn't create distance soon, I knew he'd wake up in my bed once more. And he would be right, I was the one who couldn't stay away. 

"I surrender!" I shouted, forcing a laugh, pushing against his shoulders.

Justin finally let me go, but not before his smirk deepened, his fingers lingering a second too long against my waist. I swallowed, forcing myself to break eye contact just as Dani's voice cut through the moment.

"Don't forget we're still here, y'all!" she teased, splashing water in our direction.

Marshall chuckled, shaking his head. "Yeah, and don't forget our bedroom is right off the pool in case some of us decide to stay out here making questionable choices." He sent a pointed look between Justin and me, his smirk all too knowing.

Dani gasped, smacking his chest. "Marshall! You can't just say that!"

"What? I'm just saying, babe. The tension is thicker than this damn humidity."

I let out a laugh, shaking my head, grateful for the way the moment shifted. Any lingering tension between Justin and me drifted away with the waves.

Dani let out a dramatic yawn, stretching her arms over her head. "Okay, I think that's our cue. I need sleep." She turned toward the shore, tugging Marshall along with her. "You coming?"

Marshall grinned. "Oh, I'm coming. You just tell me where, baby."

Dani groaned but couldn't hide her smile as she shoved him ahead of her covering her chest.

We all laughed, the mood lightening even more as they waded toward the beach and disappeared toward the house.

Justin and I were left floating in the quiet, the moon reflecting off the waves between us. I could feel the tension rising again as I glanced at him, my chest tightening.

 I knew we should probably get going pretty soon before the gravitational pull got stronger, making it harder to resist. 

"We should probably head back," I said, my voice barely audible over the waves. "It's getting late, and we've got an early morning."

"Yeah, you're probably right. I'm definitely exhausted." He gave me a small smile, his eyes lingering on mine for just a second too long as we started walking out of the ocean.

A wave hit us unexpectedly, sending us tumbling into the water, laughing as we floundered to stay upright. He helped me up, his hands warm against my skin, and we made our way back to the house.

His hand found the small of my back again, and it sent a sharp shiver through me, one I was sure he noticed.

"You okay?" he asked quietly, his voice almost lost in the night.

"Yeah," I managed, voice a little shaky. "It's humid, but I'm still kinda cold, probably 'cause we're butt naked." I laughed softly, trying to make it sound casual, even though my pulse was anything but.

He just smiled, walking behind me, his hand still resting on my back. We reached the hot tub, grabbed our clothes, and quickly pulled on our swimwear. The air felt like a contrast to the heat that had been between us just moments ago.

We gathered the leftover cups and the nearly empty tequila bottle, and I showed it to him with a grin.

"Want a sip? Not much left, but might as well finish it off."

I took a long drink before handing it to him. He finished it off with a nod and a smile, then we walked back into the house. The night air felt a little lighter now, though it still lingered with that quiet tension.

"I'm probably gonna get something to eat, I'm kinda hungry," I said, breaking the silence as I made my way into the pantry. He followed me in, the faint sound of our footsteps echoing in the otherwise quiet house.

"Yeah, I'm definitely feeling peckish. All those drinks and the swimming got me," he said with a grin, reaching for the cereal boxes above me.

"Can you get me the Lucky Charms, please?" I asked, pointing up to the box.

He reached over and handed it to me, the small distance between us now feeling like nothing. We walked back out, cereal boxes in hand. I set everything down while he grabbed bowls, and I pulled the milk from the fridge.

We poured our cereal, the quiet of the kitchen a welcome contrast to the tension that had been hanging between us. It was oddly peaceful, even as I felt that buzz of uncertainty simmering under the surface.

"Raisin Bran? Really?" I raised an eyebrow at his choice, a playful smile tugging at my lips.

He chuckled softly, looking over at me. "You don't get this," he said, tapping his stomach and chest, "by eating that." He pointed at my bowl of Lucky Charms, the marshmallows now swimming in a rainbow pool of milk.

I couldn't help but laugh, rolling my eyes. "Okay, I get it. You're the healthy one, I'm the sugar addict." I said as he nodded, laughing along with me.

We sat in near silence, but it wasn't uncomfortable. The stillness between us settled in, and I found myself suddenly aware of how it felt. It was… almost peaceful. Maybe this was what normal felt like, without all the tension and that constant pull. Maybe it was just a fleeting feeling, but for a moment, it seemed possible.

We could coexist without wanting to jump on each other at every opportunity. He wasn't pushing me, and I wasn't doing it to him either. It just felt natural like things were easy between us, even after last night and this morning.

Justin was the first to finish eating. He quietly washed his dishes, put the milk and cereal away, then turned to head toward the hallway. He paused, glancing back at me.

"Have a good night, August. I'll see you tomorrow." His smile was small, but it lingered in the air before he disappeared up the stairs.

I finished eating shortly after he left, lingering over my bowl for a moment longer than necessary. Once I cleaned up, I made my way to my room, my mind a little more tangled than it had been before.

Once in my room, I slipped out of my bathing suit and stepped into the shower, letting the warm water cascade over me. It felt like a reset, washing away the tension of the day. But even as the steam enveloped me, my mind couldn't quiet down. So much had happened in one day, and it was almost too much to process.

I woke up next to Justin, unsure of what had even happened the night before. Then came the undeniable moment, realizing we'd crossed a line, and then we kept pushing further, testing limits I didn't even know I had. We got caught, but still, we kept going, both of us drawn to something we couldn't quite explain. And then we pulled back, but it didn't matter. That moment, this day, has changed everything.

There was no going back now. I could feel it deep in me. Everything had shifted, and I wasn't sure where I stood anymore. It felt like every belief I once held about the world had shattered in an instant. But as much as I wanted to call it the worst thing that could've happened, I couldn't shake the thought that maybe—just maybe—it was a blessing in disguise.

Before all of this, I would have remained the same timid August, too scared to break free from my mom's lies and the suffocating weight of her expectations. But now? Now, everything felt different. Discovering the truth about her lies changed me in a way I hadn't expected. It made me realize how tired I was of living in that shadow of perfection she tried to impose on me. I was tired of being her punching bag, tired of suppressing who I was meant to be. Maybe this was the start of finally finding that person.

I finished my shower, threw on my underwear, and slipped into my oversized sleep shirt. I followed my nightly routine, washing my face, brushing my teeth, drying my hair. By the end of it, I was exhausted, my body craving sleep. But as soon as I threw myself onto the bed and closed my eyes, something stopped me.

Every stolen glance, every lingering stare we shared, kept my mind spinning. His touch still burned on my skin, an imprint I couldn't shake. I looked at the spot where he had been this morning, and it felt like his presence was still there, buzzing through the room. Almost like I willed it, my phone vibrated, and his name lit up the screen. 

Justin: "hey, not sure if you're asleep yet but just wanted to check in and make sure you're okay." 

August: "how'd you know I couldn't sleep? lol"

Justin: "just a feeling. Seems like we both have a lot on our minds after today." 

August: "yeah not sure how I'm gonna get any sleep, my thoughts won't quiet down. Wanna talk about it?" 

I could feel my heartbeat pounding in my chest as the texting bubbles appeared and disappeared for the next few minutes. I figured maybe he didn't want to talk but didn't know how to tell me. I locked my phone and set it down next to me. I rolled over and closed my eyes for a split second before I heard a faint knock on my door. I didn't realize it was a knock until a second, more loud knock cut through the silence. I got out of bed and opened it slightly. Justin was at the door towering over me. He didn't say anything at first. I opened the door more, my pulse racing. I wasn't sure if I was ready for whatever this was, but I couldn't stop myself from taking another step toward him.

Justin's eyes locked on mine, his breath shallow as he took a step forward. "I—I don't want to make you feel like you have to do anything you don't want to," he murmured, his voice strained. "But August, you can stop me if this isn't what you want. You just have to say it." He took another step closer, his hand twitching at his side, like it was fighting an impulse to reach out to me.

I could feel the tension in the air, both of us caught in the same storm. I knew, just as much as he did, that there was no going back from what happened earlier and from whatever was about to happen. "You don't want to stop, though," I whispered, almost more to myself.

His lips parted, his gaze darkening. "No… I don't."

I paused, my heart pounding in my chest, the weight of my thoughts crashing down on me. If I say no, I know we'd both feel that pull, that hunger for something neither of us could truly control no matter how new this was, I could feel it deep in me. But if I say yes… when would it end? 

I swallowed hard, the sudden flood of fear and want twisting in my stomach. My mind screamed at me to stop, but my body—my body was already saying yes.

I grabbed his arm, the warmth of his skin a silent invitation. I pulled him in closer, the door clicking shut behind him like a final barrier. I locked it, feeling the pressure of my breath against the wood, my heart racing faster as he closed the distance between us.

There was no turning back now. I didn't want to turn back. Not anymore.

"One more night," I whispered, my voice barely audible in the stillness.

And with those words, the pull snapped. His lips crashed into mine, and in that instant, everything else disappeared. He picked me up like he had this morning, like the ground beneath us no longer mattered. There was nothing but the weight of him, the heat of him, and the rawness of everything that had been building between us all day.

His kiss deepened, pulling me closer, and I could feel the heat of his body against mine, his hands finding their way to my back, pressing me into him. The world outside seemed to fade away, replaced by the rush of blood in my ears, the frantic beating of my heart. Every touch felt like an explosion, a spark that threatened to ignite everything I had kept buried.

Maybe I should've stopped it. But the way he held me, the way his lips moved against mine, left me with no words, no defenses. All I could do was feel…feel everything I had been avoiding, every desire I'd suppressed for so long.

When he put me back on the ground and pulled back just enough to catch his breath, I could hear the rasp in his voice. "Are you sure about this?" He asked, his words a mix of caution and hunger, his chest rising and falling with the same urgency I felt. "Because once we start..."

I wasn't sure if he was asking for my permission or searching for reassurance, but I didn't care.

All I knew was that this pull between us was stronger than anything I'd ever felt before. And tonight, I didn't want to fight it.

"I don't want to stop," I whispered, my voice trembling with my answer.

He didn't hesitate. In an instant, he lifted me again, his hands sure and steady, guiding me toward the bed. The world around us didn't matter anymore, not when everything I needed was right here, in his arms.

As we collapsed onto the bed, the room spun with the intensity of it all, his breath on my skin, the pressure of his body, the unspoken promise of what was to come.

His body hovered over mine, the weight of his gaze heavier than anything else. My fingers curled into his shoulders, a silent plea I wasn't sure I was ready to voice. But he read me anyway. 

His lips brushed against my jaw, slowly, as if giving me time to stop this before it went too far. But stopping wasn't an option. Not when every inch of me ached for him.

"August," he murmured against my skin, almost like a warning. But I didn't want to be warned. I didn't want to think.

So I pulled him closer, erasing whatever hesitation remained between us.

And just like that, we were intertwined again.