Chapter 17. So It Goes…

"You know I'm not a bad girl, but I do bad things with you."

The cool ocean breeze entered my room, jolting me out of my deep slumber. The sliding door was left open, inviting the breeze in. I laid there momentarily before I realized Justin was sleeping next to me with his arm lazily across my waist. Flashbacks of last night course through me with every breath he took. I had let him in again, this was seemingly harder than I anticipated. Whatever agreement we had spoken or otherwise definitely didn't include this. It didn't include him holding me until I fell asleep, nor did it include waking up still in his arms. The crushing realization of yesterday's memory lingered before I slipped out of his soft grip. He didn't even shift as I stepped off the bed and into the bathroom.

 I stared at my reflection, searching for something, remorse, guilt, maybe even regret. But all I saw was a girl I hardly recognized, lips swollen from stolen moments and eyes heavy with something maybe she wasn't ready to acknowledge. I brushed my teeth and quietly washed my face, hoping to not wake him so I could slip out of my room and go for a jog. The morning rise would bring clarity, or a moment to breathe before the weight of my choices, and my mother's voice in the back of my head, catch up with me.

I carefully went through my suitcase as quietly as I could and I changed into some shorts and a sports bra. I slipped on my running shoes and grabbed my headphones and phone. I gave myself one last glance in the mirror, tightening my high ponytail. And just as I was about to turn the lights off a text came through my phone. A group text from Mals and Dani. 

Mals: "We made breakfast! Come join Dani and I."

Dani: "and bring your regret with you ;)" 

Regret? Is that what this was? The warmth of Justin's breath still lingered on my skin, and my body was sore in places I hadn't known could ache. No, regret wasn't the right word. But explaining that to Dani was out of the question. I stared at the screen for a minute longer than necessary. Did I want to face them right now? They would be relentless. But avoiding them would cause suspicion.

Auggie: "Ha ha ha very funny, i'll be down in a minute."

I shut the door behind me, heart pounding as I listened for any sign of movement. Nothing. He was still out cold. I exhaled, slipping my phone into my pocket as I made my way downstairs. If he woke up now, at least Dani and Mallory would be too distracted to notice him slipping out.

The last thing those two needed was confirmation that he was with me. I made it past the rest of the house and into the kitchen where Mallory and Dani sat at the counter with coffee mugs in hand and soft smiles on their faces. They both noticed me instantly and their smiles turned to knowing smirks. I walked over and poured myself coffee before giving into their stares. The silence in the room was deafening. Finally Dani cracked through the tension that lingered from their stares.

"So, Miss Sunshine—or should I say Miss Moonlight—I was just telling Mals about our little skinny-dipping adventure last night." Her smile spread from ear to ear and Mallory's smile followed suit. Dani pressed on. "What happened after Marshall and I went in? We didn't hear you guys in the pool?" I began preparing my coffee, hesitating on what to tell them. The truth? No. The half truth? Yes. 

"We came back inside shortly after you guys, it was uhm…dangerously tempting to stay outside." The water had felt like another world, one where the rules we set for ourselves didn't exist. If we had stayed any longer, I wasn't sure we would have stopped at just kissing. The pull between us had been almost unbearable.

I blew on my coffee, hoping to cool it down. But really, I was hoping it would cool me down, as I could feel heat rushing to my face with my admission. I pushed to tell them more. To tell them the half-truth.

"Honestly... we just had cereal. Barely talked. We were both exhausted, it was a long day." The shift had been jarring, from the intoxicating warmth of his hands on my bare skin to the quiet clinking of spoons against ceramic bowls. But somehow, that normalcy had grounded me. Sitting at the kitchen counter with him, sharing something as simple as cereal, made me think that maybe this didn't have to be messy. Maybe we could be normal, despite everything.

I took a sip from my coffee, hoping to swallow my full truth.

They both steadied their gaze on me. Dani narrowed her eyes, while Mallory's lip twisted and her eyebrow perked. Neither of them believed me. Dani broke her gaze first as she looked over to Mallory, then back at me.

"Really? Just cereal after skinny dipping?" Dani drawled, disbelief falling from every word. "Should we ask Hunter if Justin made it to their room last night?" She turned to look at Mallory.

I let out a soft laugh, forcing nonchalance, hoping to hide what really happened after the cereal.

"Just cereal," I said, setting my mug down with an exaggerated surrender. "Go ahead and ask Hunter. He'll tell you the exact time Justin went to bed."

Mallory didn't budge. Her brow stayed high, gaze unwavering.

"And you're sure that if we went up to your room right now, we wouldn't find him asleep in your bed?"

Her tone was playful on the surface. But there was something in her eyes, a sharpness, a quiet knowing, that told me she wasn't just messing around. She was testing me.

I flustered for a fraction of a second before regaining my composure, masking any cracks in my façade with a soft shrug. "You two are relentless," I said, shaking my head as I reached for my headphones. "I'm going for a run. I'll see you later."

I didn't wait for a response, just slipped my headphones on and turned toward the door, leaving them to draw their own conclusions. Whatever had happened after the cereal was mine to keep…for now.

I closed the door behind me shaking off their stares as I left the house. This run is going to be exactly what I need to gain some clarity if not some peace.

 I made it halfway up the street before the sun began burning against my skin. It wasn't even seven yet, but the sun was already starting to tear through the sky with a vengeance. With a frustrated sigh, I turned back, slipping through the front door as quietly as I'd left.

As I stepped into the foyer, a voice cut through my headphones, the voice was muffled, but unmistakable. Justin.

I lifted my headphones off my ears, moving carefully when I realized they hadn't heard me come back inside. It felt wrong to eavesdrop, and I almost turned around until I heard it, clear as day.

"Okay, fine! I snuck into her room last night and I slept over. Are you two happy now?"

Fuck.

Mallory and Dani's voices overlapped in triumph. "We knew it!" The squeak of stools against the floor told me they were squirming with excitement at his confession.

Dani's voice cut through, louder now. "She sat here and tried to be all coy—'we just had cereal'—" she mimicked my voice almost perfectly, "but she had that post-sex glow, and the glow does not lie!"

Laughter rippled between them, their amusement obvious, but Justin's was louder. Like he was remembering it. Like he was daydreaming about what we did post-cereal.

Then came the silence. The kind that made my stomach knot, the kind that almost made me think they'd noticed me standing there.

Until Mallory spoke again.

"I knew it the second she said you guys just had cereal. Her mouth said one thing, but her eyes? Her eyes were daydreaming about whatever actually happened."

More laughter. Another beat of silence. Then Justin cleared his throat.

"I know we shouldn't push it much more, Hannah gets here today, and I know Hannah deserves my undivided attention."

My pulse stuttered.

Mallory took his hesitation as an opening. "Hannah deserves your undivided attention, buuuut…" she dragged out the word, like she was speaking for him.

Another pause.

Then Justin let out a soft chuckle. "But…" He hesitated again. "August… it's going to be easier said than done. It's hard to resist the energy I didn't know we had."

My breath caught in my throat.

Another quiet stretch before Dani cut in.

"Damn, this is messier than I thought, and y'all just started this charade."

Mallory, never missing a beat, sighed dramatically. "Yeah, and I don't think it's going to be easy either. You're her first, Justin. She's going to be attached to you one way or another."

I felt my stomach drop before she even finished.

"Be gentle with her," she added, voice softer now. "No matter how earth-shattering the sex may be."

This conversation isn't meant for me, I thought to myself as I quietly walked back to the front door. I replayed his words in my head. "It's hard to resist the energy I didn't know we had." The way he said it, like it was something undeniable, something bigger than either of us. I couldn't shake the warmth that settled in my chest, the pull that had been there from the moment we'd locked eyes on the plane ride. The intense attraction we felt. It was something magnetic. We did have that energy, didn't we?

But then Mallory's words crept back into my mind, cutting through the fog like a cold splash of water. "You're her first. She's going to be attached to you, one way or another." That hit harder than I expected. Was that really what it was? Attachment? Something that would fade once the novelty wore off?

I couldn't shake the pull I felt when he was near, or how something in me awakened in ways I'd never thought possible. I hadn't expected to like it this much. The way he touched me, the way my body reacted—it was so much more than I'd ever imagined, more than I'd expected from something that was supposed to be just a physical connection. Was that what was tying me to him? The way he made me feel alive in ways that had always felt out of reach? Or was it more than that?

I was caught between the thrill of discovering something new about myself, about my own desires, and the fear that maybe I was only drawn to him because he was my first. My first taste of something so intense, something I never thought I could want or need.

It wasn't just about Justin. It was about me. I was discovering parts of myself I hadn't known existed, and I wasn't sure if I was ready to sort out the mess of it all.

I stood there for a moment, trying to shake off the weight of their words, but they clung to me like shadows. I couldn't tell if it was the storm of emotions swirling inside or just the aftermath of everything with Justin. Either way, I needed space to think.

Without a word, I backed away and slipped outside. The cool air hit me like a jolt, sharp against my flushed skin. I didn't bother with my headphones this time. I just needed to run, to feel the motion of my body and push the chaos in my mind to the backseat.

The pavement felt firm beneath my feet, each step a reminder that I was trying to outrun something—maybe the confusion, maybe the pull I still felt toward Justin. Was it just me clinging to something because it was my first time, or was the gravitational pull real?

I needed answers, but the faster I ran, the more the questions spun in my head. Finally I slowed down, my breath coming quicker, the tightness in my chest matching the knot in my mind. Maybe I wasn't supposed to have the answers right now. Maybe that was the lesson—to accept the uncertainty a little longer.

I kept running, pushing forward until I found a trail that led up the side of the mountain. The path was narrow, winding, partially blocked by a big rock, and shaded by the thick canopy of tropical trees. The humid air clung to my skin, but the quiet around me was a welcome relief from the chaos in my head.

As I climbed higher, the path became steeper, but I didn't care. I needed to be away from everyone, away from the confusion swirling in my thoughts. The forest began to thin out, and I emerged onto a cliff, the vast ocean stretching endlessly below, its blue waters meeting the horizon in a seamless line.

I stopped at the edge, my hands resting on the rough rocks, staring out at the view. The weight of everything, what had happened, what was happening, pressed in on me. I thought about how I'd felt toward Justin before all of this. The teasing, the distance. How I couldn't stand him at work, how he rubbed me the wrong way, always making light of everything. But then on the plane, when he opened up about his past, it was like I saw him differently. It made me realize he wasn't just the cocky guy at work, he was someone who had been hurt, someone who was still guarded, and maybe, just maybe, that made him just as vulnerable as me.

And now, this. I could still feel the weight of him on top of me, the intensity of each kiss, the way everything felt like it clicked, like something between us had finally made sense. His words were still ringing in my head: "It's hard to resist the energy." It hit me like a jolt. Maybe it wasn't just me. Maybe it wasn't all in my head. He felt it too. He wasn't just pulled in by me, I was equally irresistible to him. That thought, his admission, made something inside me shift. Maybe Mallory was wrong. Maybe this wasn't just an attachment. There was something here, something undeniable.

I let out a breath, the wind picking up as I watched the waves crash far below. I knew I had to talk to him. I wasn't sure how much more lines we needed to cross before we definitely couldn't go back. 

I stared out at the horizon for a moment longer, taking in the sheer beauty of the island. The rhythmic crash of the waves below was grounding, but even that couldn't shake the restless thoughts swirling in my mind. Finally, the sun burned my skin enough that I knew I had to make it back. The run back felt lighter, whether it was because I was going downhill or because I had some sense of clarity, I wasn't sure.

When I made it back to the house, the sound of voices drifted toward me from the kitchen. As I walked inside, I realized the other group had just landed. The change in atmosphere was immediate, like something had shifted in the air. I saw Hannah first, her blonde hair laid perfectly on her toned shoulders, a contrast to the messy chaos of everything that had been building up in my head. 

I glanced over at the group as I stepped into the kitchen. Nancy was leaning against the counter, her petite frame and doll-like face a sharp contrast to the laid-back atmosphere. Her deep tan and short brown hair framed her face, and her dark brown eyes were always sharp, even in the middle of casual conversations. She worked in accounting, so I had a feeling her mind was always running a few calculations ahead, even if her expression didn't show it.

Jacob was standing nearby, chatting with Hannah. A typical finance guy—tall enough with a chiseled jaw and well-defined muscles. His brown hair was always neatly styled, and his piercing blue eyes had a way of taking in everything around him, as if he was sizing up opportunities without even trying.

Allie stood next to him, her bright green eyes catching mine for a moment before her smile broke through. With her pale freckled skin and vibrant red hair, she always had this effortlessly flawless look. Her curves gave her presence, but it was the warmth in her gaze that made her stand out the most. 

"August! OH my god!! Hi!" Hannah squealed, running over to me to hug me, but I quickly stepped back. Not because I felt awkward, Hannah was always warm and excited to see me but because I was drenched in sweat from my morning run. Justin's eyes flicked toward me, his brow furrowing for a moment. I could practically feel the curiosity building, and I knew I had to cover it up before Mallory or Dani noticed.

"I'm so sorry, I'm disgusting right now," I said quickly, a light laugh escaping me. "Just got back from a run. It's beautiful out, though! You guys will have to take the trail sometime." I lightly grazed Hannah's shoulder instead of going in for the hug. She didn't seem to mind; her smile never faltered, and she gave me a quick nod as she took in the scene.

Jacob was next, walking over with that easy confidence of his, a big smile on his face and arms open wide. Without hesitation, he wrapped me in a hug, ignoring my sweaty state and making me laugh at the bold move. Jacob and I had been friends since I started at Marino & Co., and it was always the same with him, his cool, laid-back demeanor always cracked around me. I couldn't help but roll my eyes as he slightly rocked me back and forth, whispering in my ear, "Happy birthday, Auggie," before finally letting go, a playful glint in his eye.

I grinned at him, shaking my head. "You're lucky I like you," I teased, knowing full well he wouldn't have it any other way.

Allie followed right behind him, pulling me into a hug despite how gross I probably smelled. I smiled at her, not caring that she was too sweet to even notice. The difference between my friendships with them and with Hannah was glaring in that moment, Allie's hug was warm, effortless, and no-nonsense, while Hannah's over-enthusiastic squeal had a different kind of energy to it.

Nancy, on the other hand, was deep in conversation with Hunter, her attention fully absorbed in whatever they were talking about. I didn't bother interrupting.

"So, how was the flight?" I asked, glancing at each of them as I made my way toward the fridge to grab a cold bottle of water, eager to cool down a bit. I gave them a few seconds to respond, curiosity bubbling up despite my best attempts at staying casual.

"I am exhausted, but I'm so ready to throw a bikini on and soak up some sun." Hannah was the first to answer, and she immediately turned to look at Justin, her eyes sparkling with the expectation of his reaction to the possibility of seeing her in a bikini. Justin's expression, however, remained unreadable, like he was intentionally keeping his thoughts to himself.

I noticed that his gaze had shifted. It wasn't to Hannah, but to me. His eyes traced over me in that way I was all too familiar with, a mix of interest and something more... suggestive. And then I realized where he was looking.

My stomach twisted as I followed his gaze and saw the faint hickey on my right boob, just above the edge of my sports bra. It was barely visible, but there was no hiding it now. I felt my cheeks flush as his eyes met mine, his lips curling into a knowing smile that hit me like a shot of adrenaline.

He knew. He knew exactly what that mark meant, and for a moment, I was certain he was savoring the power he held over me. How did he always manage to pull me in, even when I tried so hard to resist?

I snapped my attention back to Hannah, forcing my mind away from the heat of Justin's gaze. "Uhm, yeah, that's like the first thing we did when we got here too," I muttered, my voice a little strained as I tried to mask the internal chaos he'd just caused.

Justin chuckled softly, the sound low and teasing, but when he spoke next, it was like he was pushing me further, his voice smooth but edged with that same magnetism. "Yeah, the sun's been calling all of us, hasn't it?" His words hung between us like a challenge, making it clear that he knew exactly how much I was trying to keep distance from him, yet couldn't.

I nodded slightly and forced a smile at Hannah, who seemed completely unaware of the tension between Justin and me.

"So, have you guys checked out your house?" I asked, hoping to shift the focus. "I can see the backyard from my balcony; it looks beautiful." The words felt easier to say now, the forced edge of my smile softening as I spoke.

"Yeah, we dropped our stuff off before coming over here," Jacob replied with a grin. "You'll have to come check it out later, preferably after you've showered." He pinched his nose and waved his hand dramatically in front of his face, making me laugh despite myself.

I rolled my eyes, glaring at him with a playful frown, but it worked, finally, the tension eased.

Mallory, Dani, and Marshall had joined in on the conversation by now, all of them adding their own voices to the mix.

"Yes, August, please do us a favor and go shower so we can get this party started!" Dani teased, shaking the bottle in her hand. Her wink sent a ripple of lightness through the room.

"Whatever! Fine, I'll go shower!" I tossed my empty water bottle into the recycling bin and started heading toward the stairs.

"And wear something sexy!" Mallory shouted, her voice carrying over the room. "I don't want to see that hideous tankini I know you secretly packed when I wasn't looking."

The group erupted into laughter behind me, and I couldn't help but grin as I made my way up the stairs.

Now, in the comfort of my own space, I walked over to the mirror, my gaze drawn to the lone hickey still stained on my skin. My fingertips brushed over it, and a shiver ran through me. Was it from last night? Or had we missed it entirely? A reminder of the heat that we'd been struggling to keep at bay.

I shook the thoughts away, but the lingering sensation of Justin's touch refused to dissipate. I needed to cool down, so I headed straight for the shower.

The cold water hit me like a shock to my senses, washing away the heat from his lingering glances. But no matter how hard I tried to scrub it off, his presence clung to me like a ghost. I finished quickly, washing my hair and body with mechanical precision, trying to outrun the thoughts I knew I couldn't escape.

Wrapped in a towel, I rifled through my suitcase, searching for something to wear. The knock at my door broke my focus, faint but unmistakable.

"Come in!" I called, assuming it was Mallory making sure I wasn't about to betray her with the tankini she despised.

Mistake. Big mistake.

The door clicked shut behind him, and the sound of the lock turning echoed through the room, sending a shiver down my spine. My heart stuttered in my chest, and I froze, unsure if I was excited or terrified.

"Justin..." I swallowed hard, my voice coming out more strained than I intended. The look on his face was unreadable, but I could see the edges of his smirk begin to form.

He held up a spoon in his hand, a smug, calculated grin spreading across his face.

"I think we got a little carried away last night." His words hung in the air, as he walked slowly toward me. Each step he took made my pulse race.

I stood up, instinctively shifting to face him completely, my heart pounding louder with every movement he made. His eyes drifted to the spot on my skin where the hickey still marked its territory. The tension between us intensified, and the air grew heavy.

"May I?" He asked, his voice low, but his gaze never leaving my chest. He held the spoon up to me, but his other hand slipped slowly over the edge of the towel I was still wrapped in, just enough to send a spark of heat straight through me.

I hesitated, my breath caught in my throat. The implications of what was about to happen rushed through my mind in a haze. One of two things could happen: he'd pull the towel just enough to press the spoon against the hickey, slowly fading the mark away... or worse—he'd take it all off, and I'd let him. The thought of being tangled in his touch again made my head spin, but I couldn't decide if I should step back or lean into it.

Everything in me screamed for me to pull away, but I couldn't move. The tension between us was too much, and for a moment, I wasn't sure if I wanted to resist or give in.

His gaze met mine but his hands stayed in place, waiting for my answer. I slowly nodded my head up and down. His jaw clenched and now he looked puzzled. His fingers lingered on the towel, like now he was unsure of what he wanted to do. My skin raised a little as he slipped a finger between the towel and my chest. He pulled it down just enough to fully reveal the mark he left. He studied it briefly, his finger grazed it causing my body to tremble. And suddenly I felt it again, the heartbeat that wasn't in my chest, instead somewhere lower. The heat coursed through me as I pulled the towel off of me, revealing my naked body to him. 

"Oops." I whispered. He bit his lower lip as his eyes traveled across my entire body. He shook his head as his smirk widened. He leaned down, his warm body hovering over my naked one.

"We don't know when to stop, do we?" He whispered. I slowly nodded no, because it was the only truth we knew. We didn't know when to stop.

"One more time?" I asked, staring at his face, trying to get his answer before his words would.

"One more time." He said as he threw the spoon to the side and took his shirt off. I grabbed his hand and led him to the bed. We stopped before either of us got on. His hand held the back of my neck, while his other hand traced my waist. He pulled me in, but I resisted a little. My hands now glided over his chest until they met the edge of his pants.

"How long do you think we have before someone notices you're also gone?" I asked as I unzipped his pants.

"Just long enough to make sure you're taken care of." His eyes glazed with desire. Neither of us was holding back now.

"One more time," I whispered again, this time letting him pull me closer until our lips met. Forgetting the world that waited for us downstairs.

It was a blur of heat, desire, an unspeakable connection. His touch, his kiss, they felt like they were erasing everything else. Every doubt, every hesitation. It was just us, just this again. My body moved in sync with his, driven by the same unrelenting pull we couldn't ignore.

His hands were everywhere, making sure I knew just how badly he wanted me, how badly we both wanted this. There was no question, no second thought. It wasn't wrong, this was the only thing that felt right. It was a wild rush, like we were both caught in a current too strong to swim against.

The seconds melted away as we found our rhythm. The need, the fire, it all consumed us. Our lips, our bodies, our shared moment of utter, reckless abandon.

When we finally pulled apart, gasping for air, the room felt heavy with the weight of what we'd just shared. But there was no guilt, no remorse. I wasn't sure what came next, but in that moment, I didn't care. I didn't need to think about it. All that mattered was this.

I caught my breath, looking at him with a silent challenge in my eyes, like I knew we were both on the same page. He didn't have to say a word. We both knew. Maybe we'd stop next time. Maybe we wouldn't.