(Disclaimer: This is a draft, and I am looking for any type of feedback:)

The real story, Is called Star Wars a fall Galaxy

Star Wars a Fallen Galaxy Draft Just Looking for feedback

MAGIC

DARK

SURVIVAL

VILLAIN

TRAGEDY

REVENGE

STARWARS

I just started reading Star Wars: A Fallen Galaxy, especially Chapter 1, “Shadow of the Empire.” That moment when Dom and Trax are ambushed by the Pale Father in the dense forest, and Dom suffers a brutal injury, gave me chills. The vivid descriptions of the environment the scent of scorched foliage, the crackling of lightsabers, and the palpable tension really immerse the reader in the scene.

Imagine a scene where Dom, bloodied but determined, stands tall amidst the chaos, his blue lightsaber flickering in the dim light. The contrast between his resilience and the overwhelming darkness of the Pale Father would be striking. His expression, a mix of pain and defiance, would capture the essence of his character's journey.

I’m a commissioned comic artist and would love to adapt your story visually if you'd be interested. No pressure at all. I just think it has incredible panel potential. Feel free to reach out on Discord (harper_clark) or email me at harperclark743@gmail.com. I’d be thrilled to chat more if you're up for it!

Cheers,
Harper

At times, I feel like the story is progressing too fast. Try to slow down a bit and avoid rushing.  Overall, not bad for a draft. I would love to see this story when it's completed. 

So, for a draft, you’re off to a respectable start! Keep focusing on revisions, world-building, and especially consistency, and you’ll see steady improvement. If you keep at it, polish those rough edges, and stay committed, you’ll turn this draft into something a lot stronger. 

Here are a few specific things I enjoy

Character struggles: Characters like Dom, Lorenzo, and Trax aren’t just “good vs evil.” Their inner battles, shifting loyalties, and flaws make them feel human and relatable. That complexity hooks readers emotionally.

Dark atmosphere: Your settings and mood have a gritty, almost haunting vibe that fits perfectly with the Star Wars-inspired universe you’re creating. It’s immersive and compelling.

High stakes and tension: Whether it’s intense fight scenes or psychological power plays, you keep the stakes high, which keeps the story gripping.

Original twists: You bring in fresh elements like the Pale Father and the Blacken Death that expand the lore in intriguing ways. It’s not just retreading familiar territory.

Passion and vision: It’s clear you care deeply about your world and characters. That passion comes through in every scene, and it makes your writing compelling even when it’s rough around the edges.

