Clear Instincts

I didn't know when I even began to cry and when it ended, but I found myself gathering my stuff and sniffing constantly. It had been a long time since I've actually cried. But I never remembered hurting like that before.

My eyes felt heavy and my nose burned from my constant rubbing. As I finished folding the last of my clothes and put it in the medium sized bag I had stored. Tears threatened to spill from my eyes again and I tried my best to hold them back.

I stared off to nothingness for a while and found my mind wonder into olden memories. I had the tendency to remember every detail of my memory and whenever I had nothing to do, I would fondly visit these precious memories. Mrs. Melrose had been the sweetheart in my memories. She is a widowed woman that didn't have the capability to bare a child.

As a woman who always dreamed of having a child. She was devastated to have heard this and so did her husband. But after 20 years of marriage, her husband passed away from a terrible illness and had now long been gone for about 10 years. Now Mrs. Melrose found a new love for caring for children again and had been handling the orphanage for more than 30 years.

For the past 16 years of my life, Mrs. Melrose was the one I truly considered as my mother. She had such a motherly vibe around her that it was a shame that she had to be infertile. I always believed that she would be a wonderful mother to her children.

But I was still happy that she still has the opportunity to take care of children. At the age of 80, she takes care of us still, refusing to retire and live more peaceful days. We may not be her own flesh and blood but she treats us like so and I was grateful for that. I don't know why, but she mostly treated me with more care and affection that sometimes my fellow peers felt jealous of me.

But I didn't mind them, but I did ask Mrs. Melrose about it at one point. She replied with a smile and booped my nose, saying that I was a special one.

She had a glimmer of knowingness in her eyes as she said those words to me. Somehow, I felt like it meant something more. But I hated assuming things and decided to pay it no mind.

More tears began to gather in the corners of my eyes as my thought stubbornly wonders down memory lane. So I shook my head and tried to shift my attention to something else. I sniffled and headed for the bathroom. Hoping that a splash of cool water would calm my head. I opened the bathroom door and immediately faced the mirror. I nearly gagged at the mere sight of my face.

My eyes and nose were bright shade of red and were puffy and swollen; I hurriedly cupped a handful of water and rinsed my face. As soon as the cool water made contact with my skin, I sucked in a breath and immediately relaxed. My tense facial muscles immediately eased and it relieved the puffy feeling of my eyes.

After four times of rinsing, I held the rim of the sink and let the weight of my upper body sit on my shoulders, propping me upright.

I stared at my reflection for a moment. Observing how much of a mess I looked.

A minute or so had passed and I decided to head back to Mrs. Melrose's office.

Grabbing my medium sized bag and a backpack filled with all my books and stuff, I stood in the middle of my plain room. It was practically empty, with only a one-person bed and some small shelves propped beside it. A window, placed on the other side of the bed, overlooking the small town houses that was near our orphanage.

Though it was small and plain, it still held wonderful memories of both good and bad and I admit that I would miss it dearly.

I breathed out a shaky breath and turned to exit, I didn't want another crying session.

As I walked, every step felt heavier than the other did. My head couldn't help but look around as I walked through the halls. Memories upon memories struck me as I see areas and stuff that I had a moment with. From the biggest furniture to the smallest artifacts, everything here had a part in all my memories. Abruptly, I averted my gaze and looked straight ahead as soon as I felt tears forming once again.

I was nearing Mrs. Melrose's office when I noticed a figure not too far from the office's door. It was a bit dim from where's standing so I squinted my eyes to try and see better.

As soon as he became a bit clearer, I confirmed that it was a man.

He leaned on the wall; his brown-coated back faced me. He seemed to be waiting for someone.

I tried to peek a bit more, but it surprised me when his head suddenly looked back at me. He stared at me for a moment; he seemed to be around his mid-forties if I'm not mistaken.

Then it clicked on me, he must be the guy talking to Mrs. Melrose earlier.

Realizing this, my head slowly looked down out of embarrassment and quickly headed for Mrs. Melrose's door. The whole time that I went for the door, I felt his gaze on me until I made it and entered in a hurry.

I breathed a sigh of relief before I heard Mrs. Melrose greet me with her pure caring nature.

"Levi, my dear! Come in! Come in!" she said, quickly trying to stand from her desk. I immediately went to her and had her sit down again.

"Be careful, Momma," I said gently.

She insisted that I call her momma ever since. So till now, I got used to calling her that and I honestly adored the name call. She chuckles at me as she adjusts her position.

She then gestured me to take a seat in front of her.

I followed what she had instructed me to do and sat down.

"Are you alright dearie?" She asks in a soft voice filled with concern.

Her voice almost made me cry again. God, I was such a crybaby today. I bit the insides of my cheek and held in the tears.

Afraid that I might speak in a squeaky voice. I just nodded and looked down on the floor.

I could feel her gaze ease onto me.

She sighs before speaking, "Give me your hands, Levi."

I looked up at her, a lump stuck in my throat and hesitated whether I would reach for her hands or not. But the pleading in her eyes made me reach for her and she held my hands with tender love and affection that it sent tingles on the tips of my fingers.

She looks straight at me for a moment before she shifts her gaze down on our joined hands.

She rubbed the back of my hand and comforted me. Then her face transitioned into a serious look. I almost didn't recognize her.

"By this time, you're smart enough to understand that you're..." she trails.

I gulped in the lump in my throat, knowing that Mrs. Melrose wanted me to finish her sentence.

"Move out," those two words left a bitter taste in my tongue the minute it left my lips.

I nearly hissed at the thought, but held my attitude in, not wishing to leave Mrs. Melrose, with her scolding me for being bad.

She nods courtly, a glimmer of sadness evident in her eyes.

"Yes, you are," she says softer and more quietly, as if it was also hurting her.

I then felt her squeeze my hands and I just then noticed that my grip tightened and Mrs. Melrose did that to get my attention.

I slowly eased my hold and looked down in embarrassment.

Mrs. Melrose sees this, releases one of my hands, and gently lifted my chin. This made me look up at her to see that she was smiling to me, a loving yet sad smile plastered on her face.

"Don't be sad, Levi. The truth is, you're not technically getting adopted," she says as she ends the sentence, her voice seemed to grow quieter and she seemed to be unsure as well.

This then made me confused.

My brows furrowed and I found it confusing as well. I then tried to capture her sights and ask.

"What?" I asked gently.

Her eyes met mine and she stared at me for a long moment. She looked unsure and hesitant as she thinks to herself. I could feel that she was growing nervous as minutes go by.

She always did this when she was beginning to overthink, so I squeezed her hands, now my turn to comfort her. I whispered to her to comfort her and ease her mind, "Shh... It's all right, Momma. You can tell me whatever it is that you need to tell me."

I tried to softly whisper to her, finding it difficult to hold back the curiosity to know what it is that she meant.

She looks back at me and suddenly gulps in a breath before turning serious again. Her voice lower and quiet, as if she only wanted me to hear what she was going to say.

"You're mother told me that something like this might happen..."

Quote of the Chapter!!

"It's okay to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave."

-Unknown-