“Twice rejected”

My heart and feet were heavy as I approached the front porch of the house that allegedly housed my mother—a woman who had abandoned a four-year-old child and a one-year-old without looking back—within its very old walls.

I could feel my anxiety growing at a rapid pace as I paused by the door to catch my breath. Sweating profusely, my heart continued to race, and to top it all off, there was this very hot sensation right in the middle of my chest, indicating that the fires raging within me were about to burn themselves out and completely consume me.

Turning to the kind woman who finally introduced herself as Akudo, I searched her face for any indication that what I was about to do was reckless and extremely stupid, but no matter how hard I stared, all I saw were kind eyes and encouraging smiles.

Taking a deep breath, I eyed Akudo one last time, and after receiving a nod of encouragement to continue, I lifted my hand and gently knocked on the door. After what seemed like an eternity of knocking, the old-moulded door finally creaked and slowly opened to reveal light brown eyes peering out at us.

"Yes? How may I assist you?" A young lady stood by the door, her head cocked to one side, her gaze shifting from Akudo to me.

Tucking my trembling hands behind my back, I licked my quivering lips, inhaled deeply, and before I could talk myself out of it, I blurted out, "Hi, sorry for the bother, but is this Edem's residences?"

"Yes, it is. Who are you looking for in particular?" Akudo had started rubbing her hand up and down my back as a form of encouragement, and the lady in front of us had just stared at us intently with an unreadable expression on her face.

I have no idea what was going through her mind, but when she decided it was a good idea to put a smile across her lips, my anxiety skyrocketed.

Standing in front of a woman who was smiling for no apparent reason, my mind began concocting various scenarios to explain her delight at seeing two really weird strangers—one filthy and disgusting to look at and the other, fancy dressed from head to toe, standing at the entrance to her home.

Why is she beaming? Is she familiar with me? Did my birth mother tell her about her scumbag ex-husband and their children? Was it her intention to come out here and mock me?

As if she noticed that her expression wasn't helping my situation, the lady's smile quickly faded.

Akudo, who was probably aware of my mental breakdown, thankfully decided to step forward and assist in translating the words that weren't coming out of my unmoving lips. Akudo turned to face the lady by the door and answered her questions on my behalf.

"We're looking for Miss Eke Edem; does she live here?" she asked, reading the name from the letter I had given her earlier.

When I mentioned my birth mother's name, the young lady's face lit up again. "Yes, you've come to the right place; Eke is my elder sister, but she no longer goes by the name 'Edem,' that was her maiden name; she now goes by 'Mrs Eke Donald.'"

My heavy heart sank straight into my stomach acids. First and foremost, this was my birth mother's home; this also meant that she had no intention of ever visiting us. Second, she had remarried and most likely had this new family, which made her completely forget about her previous children, which brings us back to number one...the reason for our lack of visitations. Mehn, my day was getting shittier and shittier as it evolved.

My sadness felt too great to bear; I could feel tears welling up at the corners of my eyes, threatening to fall like a torrent if I wasn't strong enough to stop them.

The two women in front of the large old door continued to chat cheerfully, oblivious to my eternal aches and pains. We were finally invited into the massive building at some point during their conversation by the young lady who later introduced herself as Marie Edem. She left us in the living room for a few minutes after we were comfortably seated—at least for Akudo—and went in search of my mother to inform her of our visit. The urge to vomit arose as a result of all the nerves that were simultaneously bubbling in my system, but I fought it and held it in.

All around the massive walls of the 'Edem's'—my mother's family—living room were pictures of the entire family displayed in beautiful frames. I couldn't help but stare at them in awe at the whole new world that was unfolding in front of my eyes. I couldn't help but wonder what life would have been like if I had lived with my mother instead of...would mine and Peter's pictures have been beautifully displayed like the ones I was looking at on the wall?

The pictures consisted of someone who I assumed was my mother standing among people who had a striking resemblance with her. Since I was left with the occasional fleeting memories of her, I couldn't really tell if she was the one though. Anyway, because they all looked alike, they were most likely her siblings.

My mother's parents were also in a beautiful picture frame on the wall, and there were a bunch of other pictures on display—probably grandchildren and in-laws—but no pictures of Peter and me. We'd been completely forgotten.

Fighting back the tears that were already falling steadily from my eyes, I returned to my seat beside Akudo and waited nervously for Marie to arrive with my birth mother. I silently prayed, crossing my fingers, that the situation with my mother would not deteriorate as quickly as it appeared to be heading

*****

My heart slowed to a halt when I noticed a woman following Marie into the living room. Her face was just as lovely as I had imagined, her eyes twinkling with laughter and her teeth glistering as she smiled. I immediately rose from my seat, my gaze never leaving the face of the elegant woman who seemed to light up the room with her flawless beauty, but when her lovely eyes finally landed on mine, all the smiles and laughter vanished as recognition flashed across her big brown eyes.

"Why...Wha...What are you doing here?" was the first thing to fall out of her lovely lips.