Chapter 229 Denial and Acceptance to her own insanity

Get over it.

That thing is all but the past, don't you see how awful of a person she is?

She played with your heart like a toy and in doing so also gaslighting your mind.

Didn't you see how brutal and merciless she was towards a child that did not have any sin?

Maybe that child will become something awful and vile like her but that is where adults come and take care of a child paving a road for a bright future.

You may be have done awful things similar to her but that was with a purpose in mind, but Deva radiates anything but danger and death the moment she showed you her true colors.

"I know, I know that!" The Saintess who just defeated one of the most fearsome of calamities yelled at herself but such yell was just so that she wouldn't immediately cry as tears were already threatening to fall.

Your love has been used all this time and even with all the luck of the world she already have her heart devoted to other women.

You should forget that love of yours, tear it apart or even use anger and resentment to make it disappear.

"I-I...am! I detest her! I want her to perish by my own hands!" There was no grand aura manifesting around her, her swirling and confusing emotions were all negative ones, there was just a heartbroken woman attempting to not further fall in that abyss of negativity and that of utter feeling of defeat

You lie! You still love her! You still have feelings for her! That is why you retreated like that! If you didn't you would have showed a pathetic and pitiful side of yours! You are ashamed of this and would rather lie to yourself!

" ...!No! This is not true! I-I-" She was agitated with the recent events and easily driven with words, the Saintess clutched her head so that the voice in her mind can disappear.

And it indeed stopped whispering to her mind but Lucia knew that the voice whispering to her did not vanish leaving to her own thoughts that revolved around Deva, there was no way that her thoughts wouldn't return to Deva and Deva alone.

The disappearence of the voice revealed how Lucia was now truly alone to her own thoughts and swirling emotions.

"Ah." Clear and pristine tears fell from her eyes.

Lucia attempted to wipe away those tears of hers with the back of her hand but can a single bucket throw away all that water from a river? She couldn't even properly conjure her aura with how she was unable to surge her positive emotions.

Even if she was angry that anger would be directed to Deva. Even if she was resentful that resentment would be directed to Deva. Even if she wanted to find another love the love towards Deva is too deeply engraved to her soul, mind and heart that she'll be unable to do such task.

"I want her. I need her." A dark and ominous thing swirled inside her and was ready to entirely envelope her.

"How can I accept that she truly loves someone else other than me?!"

Like throwing a rock in a calm lake, the tears falling in her cheeks stirred.

"I dedicated my love, my attention and my everything to her alone!" It spread like poison in her bloodstream.

"This isn't the end, this isn't how it will end!" Just one more push and that dark and ominous thing would possess her thoughts and emotions.

"..." Lucia stopped and so that thing.

Her mind grew cold despite the raging emotions in her chest, the dark and ominous thing slowly receded as Lucia's reason returned.

Yes, reason returned but her emotion did not disappear and her desire for Deva did not diminish by a single bit.

"Yes, I am too weak to fantasize to grab her and take her as mine." In those pitch black eyes similar to a cosmic void small lights seemed to twinkle with resolve with a glimmer of insanity.

Reason and insanity. Lucia didn't know that she took just a big step forward in becoming like Deva.

She embraced those confusing and swirling emotions within them and accepted them, and despite not feeling that different from before she could feel that she became more free and her soul more relaxed.

The wounds in her heart stung very much, it hurt her and she wanted such pain to stop but slowly she came to understand those wounds and so she came also to understand more of herself.

She loved Deva. Even if such love was truly vile and unreasonable she still loved Deva and didn't want to change it. She didn't know who was truly Deva since she interacted with a character that Deva created but Lucia nonetheless loved Deva.

In the beginning, she wanted a pure love between the two of them but now she came to understand that both of them can be called anything but pure, however, they were similar in various aspects and now that Lucia added reason to her insanity and that she was shown the true colors of Deva she could see an affinity with Deva.

That day, the death of the Blight Dragon brought Intris a ray of hope but the disappearance of the Saintess Lucia made so that such ray of hope vanished quickly as it appeared.

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