starting over- we are friends now but maybe we could be more
[ implications of suicide and death]
Xavier looked up at him
"Um-I know that you have known me and loved me and I want to try it out with you but I still barely know you and I think we should be friends first-" he replied
callus smiled at him
"I had a feeling you say that and don't worry about it Zavi I didn't expect you to say that you loved me back right away you're having a difficult time and I'll let you sort things out and, in the end, you'll love me, and I'll be waiting till that day-" Callus replied
"how do you know that I'm having difficulty with it?" he replied
"How could you not? I gave you so much information and you're trying to understand it all and that will take time and you will come to realize that you love me too" Callus replied
"How do you know that I'll love you?" he replied
"Because I know you do you always have-" Callus replied
"I want to love you, but I still need time-" he replied
"I know don't worry about it I can wait-" Callus replied
"how long would that be?" he replied
"Hmm well-I guess it depends, but I will try to wait until you are ready and I'm not sure how long my body can Last without sex-but if I masturbate, I should be fine-"
Xavier coughed to get past the awkwardness he didn't need to know that
"I still don't get how you can be this shameless-" he replied
"that's because of you and I was being honest you should know that if I do not have sex or do any sexual actions I will die- and I'm not joking and it's the same for you, but you could also if you wanted could survive off my blood but for me, I do not have that option-" callus replied
"You're not lying?" he replied
"Nope it's true I'm a full sex vamp well you are half the other half is normal vampire, but you also have demon blood in you too- wait actually- I think- it's different now-"
"it's different now?" he replied
"Well since the demon and you are no longer one you don't have it in you anymore, but I can sense something else inside you now" Callus replied
"Something else?" he replied
"An angel- it's an angel-" Callus replied
"An angel?" he replied
"Yes, and I think it fits you more-" Callus replied
"So, then if I'm also an angel doesn't that mean I could live without either of those things?" he replied
"Well, that's if you can awaken your angel if not then you will die-" Callus replied
"So that means I have three paths to be a sex vamp, a normal vampire or an angel and I if don't choose I die?" he replied
"Yep, if you don't do any of those things you will become mortal and die-"callus replied
"So that means I could be human again?" he replied
"Yes- but if you choose that then that means you will die-" callus replied
"I don't think it matters what I choose because I will die no matter what option I choose-" he replied
"Well, you can still possibly live if you choose any of the three options-" Callus replied
"But there's still a chance of me dying-" he replied
"Yes-but as a human it's guaranteed-" Callus replied
"But I would have time before that right?" he replied
"Yes, but I don't know how long you would last-and if we could have sex-" Callus replied
"Callus-is sex all you think about?" he replied
"No- I think about you" Callus replied
"You think about having sex with me-" he replied
"Yes-but that's not the only thing I always worry that I will lose you and I'm afraid to hurt you and I'm afraid of you hating me but if you ever did, I know that I deserve it and I always expect the worse well hoping for the best- and I know that I don't deserve you and I continue to wonder if any of this is worth it and I always contemplate if I should still hold on if I should just give up and end it all-" callus replied
Xavier's eyes widened
he wrapped his arms around him
"How can you think of such a thing Cal? what would I do without you? I know I barely know you, but I couldn't bare the thought of losing you- imagine if you were in my shoes wouldn't you feel the same way?" he replied
"If I had truly forgotten everything and you told me that were lovers and then you ended up killing yourself yes, I would be heartbroken- but I was thinking of doing it before I met you again and you wouldn't remember anyway-" callus replied
"I still would feel the ache in my chest even though I don't remember what happened in the life before this I still felt a pain in my chest, and I know that You caused it-" he replied
"that's because I told you that I didn't Love you but that wasn't true I love you so much-" callus replied
"Then why would you kill yourself?" he replied
"Because I hurt you, Zavi! I used you for my own benefit! isn't that a good enough reason to end it all? all I ever did was hurt you!" Callus Shouted
"You know what hurts the most right now? Seeing you like this! If you know me then you know that my worse fear is losing the one closest to me and even if I can't say I love you, I don't know what I could do if I lost you-" he replied
"But I don't understand how you can care about me even though I hurt you- even when I was a monster you still couldn't hate me- I just don't understand-" Callus replied
"that's because I loved you and you did too, I know you want to believe that you didn't and if you loved me why did you hurt me? - that's what you're thinking right?" he replied
"Yes-I just can't understand it why did I use you like that?" callus replied
"Use me like what?" he replied
"Zavi it's better if you don't know if I told you, you really hate me" Callus replied
"Why would I hate you?" he replied
"Zavi I know you say you would never hate me, but this was something that would so it's better you don't know-" Callus replied
"Tell me-" he replied
"Fine but we won't be friends or even more you will hate me-" Callus replied