ASOIAF: Lord of Nature

ch6 Review 06/02/2023 I'm going to start off saying that there's just too much of an info dump. It's just too unwieldy and makes it a complete and utter chore to understand where you are in the world with your characters and The Changed History. I feel it could have been simplified a lot more without going so far into it making the whole process unpleasant instead of something you want to read to find out about the story. all the writing so far I think was good but I think the introduction of the Dragons was too much because it normally is. Daenerys got away with it mostly because she didn't have much else no education no special powers besides fire immunity in a world where very few people use fire as a weapon had very little control of the Dragons plus no support system besides the one she very Loosely collected. I firmly believe that anytime you want to introduce an MC with dragons in Asoiaf/Got you really can only give the MC a Eragon type background he has the dragon and not much else because they're just so overpowered in that world anything more usually leads to ridiculous power levels which is a story killer in my opinion. My recommendation would be remove the dragons and to be honest just create a new house to insert it. You made too much work I believe to fit house mudd into the history with all those changes which is led to those huge info dumps. you can give an easy loose history of the house and be done with it. Since you're using web novel you might want to get a Asoiaf map use a paint program to show where any houses or places you're adding and put it in the comments(a picture is worth a 1000 words). Don't get me wrong I like the story so don't take any of this as discouragement just trying to hopefully help you refine the story a bit more

The story was perfect, but when you added the Asian Dragons, you lost me, I hope you do well in your story and work, I'm off.

I feel tired while reading this. There has been too much exposition while having little to no story. Nobody actually cares about how the army is structured until it becomes necessary to know. Like why should I even care about this guy and his House when you haven't really given much interactions and most of them being OC. You get some liberties in fanfics when the characters are not OCs since people already know what to expect, but if you want the reader to care about the OC and his family of OCs you have to give us some character interaction between them rather than a freaking class on history of the House. You have to ease people into it and not just jump into it. Anyway, that's the only real criticism I have so far since reading this feels like a chore.

way too much of an info dump though i am sure there will be people who love reading all the info stuff but it is not for me

anubis1650 basically covered all the things i wanted to talk about. way too much of an info dump, too good a starting point for mc and the mudd background is too much effort to make work.

Trying to make sense of everything was like putting my brain in a blender ngl, quality of the content is there but godamn its like walking into a Maze made by Willy Wonka

moreeeeee e e e e e e e e e s e e e e e e e

Good story the writing quality is very good too just updated more frequently 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍

First of all to much info dump . Second thing is that Asian dragons do not exist in planetos or may be some water snakes at most that is what Asian dragons are Snakes that's all.

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Reveal Spoiler

Good story ....................................................................................................................................

Good story ....................................................................................................................................

Good story ....................................................................................................................................