One Piece: Starting in God Valley as a Slave

Reveal Spoiler

Despite the idea being great, The writing needs a lot of improvement grammar wise, especially the descriptive language that's being used. Big shots like Big mom, garling, Rocks or whoever shouldn't be stunned and shocked at every little action that happens, no matter how small it is. For dialogue I would recommend going back to one piece and analyzing how characters actually talk because as of right now they behave like OC's. This is by far the hardest part of writing one piece fanfics. On the otherside I do commend you for sticking to a consistent upload schedule and appreciate the use of correct punctuation for the most part. And I do have one small suggestion that might sound silly: I don't think the mc name 'carl' fits one piece at all. So maybe something like 'Carlos' might? Or maybe give him a nickname to not ruin immersion. Please don't be discouraged by my review and keep writing

Like 1/3 of the 5 stars are bots. Also mc is a hypocritical loser, typical of Chinese mcs though. He starts out as a slave and even gets hunted by celestial dragons in god Valley and manages to escape with Kuma, ivankov, and Ginny. He does the right thing and vows revenge against them because that's what anyone should do, and of course this dosent last because the author is stupid. The mc ends up joining the Marines later (because why not) and finds out he's actually a celestial dragon and the son of Figarland garland (also shanks big brother), and what does he do with this? He immediately turns into the classic young master troupe and starts abusing all his power claiming in his head it's all part of his revenge. But he just turns into the typical celestial dragon and wants to take women for his harem and kill whoever angers him, and oppress civilians, and starts making plans to kill dragon(or Luffy in the future) because they'll be in the way of the world government. Absolute dogshit story worthy of 0 stars if I could give it

The very idea of freedom and equality is suppressed by mc is disgusting. Mc has crossed the limits of hypocrisy

BIGGEST PIECE OF DOG SHIT ON THE PLATFORM, AUTHOR MUST BE DELETING THE NEGATIVE REVIEWS OTHERWISE THERE'S NOW WAY THEY CAN BE THAT POSITIVE, IT'S SO DUMB THAT IT WILL YOUR KILL THE REMAINING BRAIN CELLS.

ok not my cup of tea, I like story of villains and I'm never fan of wg and celestial family in OP, so I'm out from this shit

well the translation is great, so does the editor, the pace is also good but… call me bias, the story is like self-fulfillment, there’s no enjoyment or anticipation for me lt’s just like story when MC Killing every threat that supposed to be climaxed of the story, for fanfiction of the story like one piece, who all about changing the old order for the new one, the story sound tasteless, especially when MC is literally high ranking Celestial Dragon, then try Killing the father of chosen one, then later the chosen one exist, then slaughter the chosen one, like what’s the point? it’s like you transmigrated to Naruto, grow OP just to side with Black Zetsu, and dutifully ensure Kaguya is fully revived or like you transmigrated to Akame Ga Kill, then willing and loyally join The Empire did those plot excite you? not for me at least

HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM

Really good story, at least the best of my fanfics. I like that it's not a canon time, the MC's unusual ethnicity, pretty quick development, he's become powerful, but it's grounded so it's not like it just fell out of the sky

Well, I stopped at chapter 50. The novel is really good, but I think I'll drop it. I don't like that the MC supports the Celestial Dragons and even considers killing Luffy. I thought the MC would oppose the Celestial Dragons for what they did to his friends or because of their general attitude. I even thought he would help Luffy later on or create the Revolutionary Army himself, but I was wrong.

Good shit.........................................................................................................................................................................

This is probably the best One Piece fanfiction (non-crossover one) that I have ever read and that are out there. Everything from the world development to the powers of MC is well done. I especially like the fact that MC is a Celestial Dragon, and the story delves into the topic of the Celestial Dragons as well. The translation itself is superb.

I like mc devil fruit but this story feel like there little element of young master it will be great if u change something that are too chinese. 😁😁😁 this ff are great overall

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