Chapter 76: “The Amulet of Awkward Awakenings”
Just as the crew thought they could finally relax after surviving the Ghost of Gourmet Past, Fergus spotted something shiny in a pile of rubble.
Naturally, he picked it up.
"Oh no. Not again," Kazuya groaned.
Fergus held up a strange-looking amulet shaped like a snoozing face, with a gem that pulsed faintly.
"Guys, look! Another artifact!"
Sylvara smacked her forehead. "Why can't you just leave things alone?"
Fergus grinned. "But this one's totally harmless! It's called the Amulet of Awkward Awakenings!"
Kazuya narrowed his eyes. "And you know this how?"
"Because it's written right here on the back." Fergus flipped it over to reveal the words:
"Awkward Awakenings Guaranteed!"
"I hate it already," Nerissa said.
The First Awakening
Curiosity got the best of Kazuya. "Alright, what does it do?"
Fergus shrugged. "Only one way to find out!"
Before anyone could stop him, he pressed the gem in the center.
The amulet began to glow.
Suddenly, a voice boomed:
"WHO DARES TO DISTURB MY SLUMBER?!"
Out of thin air, a disheveled wizard appeared, wearing nothing but a bathrobe and bunny slippers.
The wizard blinked groggily. "Huh? Where am I? Is it breakfast time?"
The crew stared in disbelief.
"We woke up a wizard in his pajamas?!" Cluckbeard burst out laughing.
Sylvara glared at Fergus. "See?! This is why we don't touch cursed artifacts!"
The Wizard's Awkward Requests
The wizard yawned and stretched. "Ahhh… I've been asleep for centuries. Thanks for waking me up! By the way, do you have coffee?"
Kazuya blinked. "Coffee?"
"Yes, coffee! You didn't expect me to save the world on an empty stomach, did you?"
The crew exchanged confused glances.
Nerissa leaned in. "Wait… you're supposed to save the world?"
The wizard nodded. "Oh, absolutely. That's why I enchanted the amulet. Whoever wakes me up gets to help me on my quest!"
Cluckbeard snorted. "Great. Now we're sidekicks to a sleep-deprived wizard."
The Awkward Side Effect
As they prepared breakfast for the wizard, Fergus decided to try the amulet again.
"Maybe it does more than summon sleepy wizards!"
He pressed the gem again.
This time, the voice boomed:
"AWKWARD AWAKENINGS ACTIVATED!"
Suddenly, Kazuya's clothes vanished.
"WHAT THE HELL?!" Kazuya yelled, scrambling to cover himself.
Sylvara blushed furiously. "Kazuya, put something on!"
"I would if I HAD CLOTHES!"
Nerissa burst out laughing. "Oh gods, this is hilarious!"
The wizard chuckled. "Ah, yes. I forgot to mention… the amulet also causes spontaneous wardrobe malfunctions."
"WHY?!" Kazuya cried.
"Because it's funny," the wizard said with a shrug.
The Quest for Pants
Determined to fix the situation, the crew set out to find a tailor who could make Kazuya some new clothes.
Unfortunately, every village they passed through seemed to be hosting a nudist festival.
"WHY IS EVERYONE NAKED?!" Kazuya yelled in frustration.
Sylvara sighed. "Apparently, the amulet also causes cultural misunderstandings."
Cluckbeard laughed so hard he fell off his ship. "This is the best quest ever!"
The Awkward Reunion
Eventually, the crew stumbled upon an enchanted tailor shop run by none other than Captain Cluckbeard's ex-wife.
"Brianna?!" Cluckbeard gasped.
Brianna crossed her arms. "Well, well, well. If it isn't my useless ex-husband."
"I'm not useless!" Cluckbeard protested.
Brianna raised an eyebrow. "Really? Last time I saw you, you were drunk in a chicken coop."
"That was ONE time!"
The crew watched the argument unfold, trying not to laugh.
"Awkward," Fergus whispered.
"Very," Kazuya agreed.
The Final Awakening
As they left the tailor shop (with Kazuya finally clothed), Fergus couldn't resist pressing the amulet one last time.
"NO!" everyone yelled.
Too late.
The amulet glowed once more, and this time…
A giant chicken appeared.
"CLUCKZILLA?!" Cluckbeard screamed.
The chicken let out a mighty roar and started chasing them down the street.
"RUN!"
As they ran for their lives, Kazuya yelled, "Fergus, I swear I'm going to throw that amulet into the ocean!"
Fergus just grinned. "Totally worth it."