Harry Potter dies in a car crash at the age of five. This causes problems for the spirit of magic Mage, so Mage transmigrates a newly dead soul to take his place.
Review as of chapter 14.
Writing quality: it's a lot better than the majority of fanfics on this site. But, there's still problems. In earlier chapters and sometimes in later ones, the way you lay out your sentences blows. It'll be grammatically correct, but it's a chore to read. This is because it's not broken up correctly with commas, full stops, and more. It's like writing 'I woke up then I ate but then did this', add some commas or break it up into multiple sentences. Writing is an art, make it flow.
There, they're and their. There are 3 of them. Stop using 'their' for every situation. It's like you don't know which to use so you just use one, knowing that you'll get it right at least some of the time. They're really not hard to learn.
Your use of parentheses. Fuc#ing annoying. Don't add them mid speech. At all.
"do you understand?" I nod, and he smiles at my attention before continuing, "excellent, then we can move on."
Write it like that. Don't just put (I nod), in the middle of a characters speech. Regarding parentheses when he's thinking to himself, I guess I can let it slide.
Update stability: Looking at the time stamps so far, you're A-OK.
Story development : incredibly generic so far. It hasn't got something that any other HP fanfic hasn't done before, and there's no unique twist at all yet, except perhaps elements, but we haven't gotten that far yet. Harry is the heir to two A&N houses, Harry is rich, Harry owns shares in a bunch of places, Harry buys shares in future companies, Harry has an army of house elves and so on. Its really nothing new.
Character design: at the moment? Rather dull. We don't really know anything about anyone. Our MC is hard working and wants to learn a bunch of magic. Why? I don't really know. Our only long-term goal rn, is 'defeat moldyshorts'. But that's not much of a goal when you're a reincarnation with foreknowledge. The only other people we've met are house elves and the Founders, and we know nothing about them apart from generic house elf bs, and what the Founders teach. We had a small conversation about how sal has a stick up his bum, and the 2 women are kinda mediators and at one point Rowena skips because there's a lot of books. That's it.
World background: boring and overused. The only thing that feels new is that you named a bunch of other magical schools. That we don't know anything about. So I can't really give any props. It's basically vanilla HP plus Harry's new mansions, which aren't described at all. Unless you count him saying they have servant quarters and greenhouses, which I don't and neither should you. We've been to diagon and gringotts, but only for the standard tropey reasons. Do blood test, get rings, tell goblins about horcrux, be best friend to the gobs, get cool magical muggle clothes at malkins. Boring. Nothing is really described or added to.
On the whole, this has potential. At the moment it's him just setting up for the future but it's kinda dull. It's written well enough that you can read it to pass the time, but it's not engrossing. With how it's going so far, i feel it'll only get interesting once we hit the MCU. At the moment it's very much a generic HP story, so I have hopes for the MCU and elemental magic.
At the very least, it's a decent story. A lot better than the trash usually found on this site.
5 years ago
52
AlienWarlord
Only wrote one chapter so far but who cares I’m the author. Shameless 5 stars baby. 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍
5 years ago
32
manny0101
Haven't read this but... Continuing the shameless review streak, here's 5 stars to the fanfiction in which harry potter is killed off in a car accident and is replaced by a transmigrated soul because, why not?
5 years ago
12
fleig1992
Enjoying this story greatly so far.
At this rate Voldemort will be dead by second year.
Giving a shameless 5 star rating.
Keep up the good work and keep the chapters coming.
5 years ago
6
Xander_Brotender
I’m loving this!!!
Could you make it Natasha and hela for marvel...fleur and hermione for hp?
Love this chapter by the way!!!
P.S.
I just Shit myself.
5 years ago
3
tony_stark_3000
seriously the author should think of coming back becouse a man who knows Harry Potter storyline and avengers story line will rock the world plz.
4 years ago
2
Spelloyal
It's a very good novel, but I'm afraid it might be dropped.
I love this novel but I can't read something with such a random release schedule because it shows a lack of commitment. I will continue to read this novel if the author starts to follow a release schedule or the novel reaches chapter 100.
Sorry for any error english is´t my first language and i still learning this.
5 years ago
2
djfynn_fynn
i want more it is funny
......................................................................................................
3 years ago
1
LazyOtaku33
Loved the story and his use of resources and stuff was cool! 😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎👌👌👌👌👌 Awesome job!
3 years ago
1
Silverwolfblade
More more more more more more more more more moreMore more more more more more more more more moreMore more more more more more more more more moreMore more more more more more more more more more
5 years ago
1
WesternGod
First off, this is a pretty good read, so thank you author. For prospective readers, this is a bit of an op oc story. If that's your cuppa, then give this a try. The world building is decent, the characters creative, and the author has a great writing quality.
If I had any complaints, theres a repetitive forced feel in a few scenes and some plot points are too a-typical. However, I still like the flow of the story, and the mostly original plot.
5 years ago
1
Kurumi21
Reveal Spoiler
5 years ago
1
Isvan_Devi
I like your novel, keep the good work up.
I hope the next chapter won't be long, because it will be boring to wait it.
And please, pretty please don't ever drop this novel, because believe it or not i will curse you if you did.
5 years ago
1
Harem_fan
This story truly deserves a full five star rating...from the writing quality..the author interactions...world development...character portrayals...the background knowledge of HP world that I a lameman can understand...The fact that the MC is both smart and caring to those around him! The author gave him self a lot of room to grow in this story by combining 2 worlds that can overlap well. I instantly put this gem into my library and will constantly refresh looking for new chapters like a kid at Christmas. Read it vote on it or just put Power Stones here for safe keeping.
Review as of chapter 14. Writing quality: it's a lot better than the majority of fanfics on this site. But, there's still problems. In earlier chapters and sometimes in later ones, the way you lay out your sentences blows. It'll be grammatically correct, but it's a chore to read. This is because it's not broken up correctly with commas, full stops, and more. It's like writing 'I woke up then I ate but then did this', add some commas or break it up into multiple sentences. Writing is an art, make it flow. There, they're and their. There are 3 of them. Stop using 'their' for every situation. It's like you don't know which to use so you just use one, knowing that you'll get it right at least some of the time. They're really not hard to learn. Your use of parentheses. Fuc#ing annoying. Don't add them mid speech. At all. "do you understand?" I nod, and he smiles at my attention before continuing, "excellent, then we can move on." Write it like that. Don't just put (I nod), in the middle of a characters speech. Regarding parentheses when he's thinking to himself, I guess I can let it slide. Update stability: Looking at the time stamps so far, you're A-OK. Story development : incredibly generic so far. It hasn't got something that any other HP fanfic hasn't done before, and there's no unique twist at all yet, except perhaps elements, but we haven't gotten that far yet. Harry is the heir to two A&N houses, Harry is rich, Harry owns shares in a bunch of places, Harry buys shares in future companies, Harry has an army of house elves and so on. Its really nothing new. Character design: at the moment? Rather dull. We don't really know anything about anyone. Our MC is hard working and wants to learn a bunch of magic. Why? I don't really know. Our only long-term goal rn, is 'defeat moldyshorts'. But that's not much of a goal when you're a reincarnation with foreknowledge. The only other people we've met are house elves and the Founders, and we know nothing about them apart from generic house elf bs, and what the Founders teach. We had a small conversation about how sal has a stick up his bum, and the 2 women are kinda mediators and at one point Rowena skips because there's a lot of books. That's it. World background: boring and overused. The only thing that feels new is that you named a bunch of other magical schools. That we don't know anything about. So I can't really give any props. It's basically vanilla HP plus Harry's new mansions, which aren't described at all. Unless you count him saying they have servant quarters and greenhouses, which I don't and neither should you. We've been to diagon and gringotts, but only for the standard tropey reasons. Do blood test, get rings, tell goblins about horcrux, be best friend to the gobs, get cool magical muggle clothes at malkins. Boring. Nothing is really described or added to. On the whole, this has potential. At the moment it's him just setting up for the future but it's kinda dull. It's written well enough that you can read it to pass the time, but it's not engrossing. With how it's going so far, i feel it'll only get interesting once we hit the MCU. At the moment it's very much a generic HP story, so I have hopes for the MCU and elemental magic. At the very least, it's a decent story. A lot better than the trash usually found on this site.
Only wrote one chapter so far but who cares I’m the author. Shameless 5 stars baby. 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍
Haven't read this but... Continuing the shameless review streak, here's 5 stars to the fanfiction in which harry potter is killed off in a car accident and is replaced by a transmigrated soul because, why not?
Enjoying this story greatly so far. At this rate Voldemort will be dead by second year. Giving a shameless 5 star rating. Keep up the good work and keep the chapters coming.
I’m loving this!!! Could you make it Natasha and hela for marvel...fleur and hermione for hp? Love this chapter by the way!!! P.S. I just Shit myself.
seriously the author should think of coming back becouse a man who knows Harry Potter storyline and avengers story line will rock the world plz.
It's a very good novel, but I'm afraid it might be dropped. I love this novel but I can't read something with such a random release schedule because it shows a lack of commitment. I will continue to read this novel if the author starts to follow a release schedule or the novel reaches chapter 100. Sorry for any error english is´t my first language and i still learning this.
i want more it is funny ......................................................................................................
Loved the story and his use of resources and stuff was cool! 😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎👌👌👌👌👌 Awesome job!
More more more more more more more more more moreMore more more more more more more more more moreMore more more more more more more more more moreMore more more more more more more more more more
First off, this is a pretty good read, so thank you author. For prospective readers, this is a bit of an op oc story. If that's your cuppa, then give this a try. The world building is decent, the characters creative, and the author has a great writing quality. If I had any complaints, theres a repetitive forced feel in a few scenes and some plot points are too a-typical. However, I still like the flow of the story, and the mostly original plot.
Reveal Spoiler
I like your novel, keep the good work up. I hope the next chapter won't be long, because it will be boring to wait it. And please, pretty please don't ever drop this novel, because believe it or not i will curse you if you did.
This story truly deserves a full five star rating...from the writing quality..the author interactions...world development...character portrayals...the background knowledge of HP world that I a lameman can understand...The fact that the MC is both smart and caring to those around him! The author gave him self a lot of room to grow in this story by combining 2 worlds that can overlap well. I instantly put this gem into my library and will constantly refresh looking for new chapters like a kid at Christmas. Read it vote on it or just put Power Stones here for safe keeping.
Great story, will you still countinue it?