More please[img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update]
3 years ago
6
Alice1412
It’s not just bad grammar but horrible spelling that makes it seem like you’re losing your brain cells reading it. I understand English is not their first language but yhey can at least put in the effort to search up the correct spelling or invest in a dictionary.
3 years ago
5
Dead_Armor
Reveal Spoiler
3 years ago
5
Pssy_Prosecutor445
Reveal Spoiler
3 years ago
3
Troll_Fox
Chapter 4 currently:
The concept behind this story is good but the execution is subpar at best. The main flaw that the author has is that they rush through things too quickly. Now let’s get to the main points:
Writing Quality: Barely readable. As stated earlier, the author rush through things and doesn’t give characters any type of emotions behind their actions. This make it difficult to understand characters and the action they take.
Story Development: There’s barely anything i can say here since it’s just the start.
Character Design: This is a bad one. Currently, characters have no personality whatsoever. Actions done by them make no sense. Take the “neglected treatment” for example, I doubt that the main cast would allow things to get that far, especially naruto who has been a victim of such thing.
World Background: Literally everything revolves around “Root bad, Danzo bad, Mc and his family are treated badly, woe be me” and it’s annoying. Not to mention how flawed the backstory of the ocs are, Root agents are literally brainwashed till they’re blank state. Danzo is not a character that can trust anyone with that type of information or power. And even if somehow the ocs backstory are somehow true, Danzo literally have failsafes on his root soldiers. I doubt he’ll let the father live since he knows so much.
3 years ago
2
manyaktavuk
I dont like it and i think its waste of time
Amateur and mc like child .q
Jdjdjsjsjjdjdjdjdjdjdjdjdjdjddjjdjdjdjdjdjdjdjdjdjdddhhdjdjdhdhdhhdhdudyeysdd
3 years ago
2
johan_alpas
Reveal Spoiler
3 years ago
2
rez_asgari
is this dropped???
it is pretty good
.......
..
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4 months ago
1
The_Sophic
mc is a naive child with extremely low eq, he is like one of those idiotic emo wannabe villains, I personally didn't like his character ... the grammar was also bad ... But some people might like the mc who knows 🤔
2 years ago
1
Blazer_MC
Pretty good but there are a lot of annoying grammar and spelling errors. I recommend grammarly, it’s free
a year ago
0
Shirogane_Khoushi
GIVE ME MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRR................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
mc is actually a naive villain, huh. just a few people's fault he hit flat. he wants true friends without pity, but mc's own condition has made people feel sorry for him. mc himself can't understand the feelings of some of his friends, why should his friends know the true feelings of this stupid and naive mc
3 years ago
0
xlvlx
The grammer is bad but i like the story and his goal. I just hope Mc and Airin will be together forever and they will not betray each other.
More please[img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update]
It’s not just bad grammar but horrible spelling that makes it seem like you’re losing your brain cells reading it. I understand English is not their first language but yhey can at least put in the effort to search up the correct spelling or invest in a dictionary.
Reveal Spoiler
Reveal Spoiler
Chapter 4 currently: The concept behind this story is good but the execution is subpar at best. The main flaw that the author has is that they rush through things too quickly. Now let’s get to the main points: Writing Quality: Barely readable. As stated earlier, the author rush through things and doesn’t give characters any type of emotions behind their actions. This make it difficult to understand characters and the action they take. Story Development: There’s barely anything i can say here since it’s just the start. Character Design: This is a bad one. Currently, characters have no personality whatsoever. Actions done by them make no sense. Take the “neglected treatment” for example, I doubt that the main cast would allow things to get that far, especially naruto who has been a victim of such thing. World Background: Literally everything revolves around “Root bad, Danzo bad, Mc and his family are treated badly, woe be me” and it’s annoying. Not to mention how flawed the backstory of the ocs are, Root agents are literally brainwashed till they’re blank state. Danzo is not a character that can trust anyone with that type of information or power. And even if somehow the ocs backstory are somehow true, Danzo literally have failsafes on his root soldiers. I doubt he’ll let the father live since he knows so much.
I dont like it and i think its waste of time Amateur and mc like child .q Jdjdjsjsjjdjdjdjdjdjdjdjdjdjddjjdjdjdjdjdjdjdjdjdjdddhhdjdjdhdhdhhdhdudyeysdd
Reveal Spoiler
is this dropped??? it is pretty good ....... .. ...............................................................................................................
mc is a naive child with extremely low eq, he is like one of those idiotic emo wannabe villains, I personally didn't like his character ... the grammar was also bad ... But some people might like the mc who knows 🤔
Pretty good but there are a lot of annoying grammar and spelling errors. I recommend grammarly, it’s free
GIVE ME MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRR................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
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mc is actually a naive villain, huh. just a few people's fault he hit flat. he wants true friends without pity, but mc's own condition has made people feel sorry for him. mc himself can't understand the feelings of some of his friends, why should his friends know the true feelings of this stupid and naive mc
The grammer is bad but i like the story and his goal. I just hope Mc and Airin will be together forever and they will not betray each other.
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