Oscar pine was chosen for many thing, the last thing he expected was to have what is it called oh or right, a system yeah he didn't expect that he just hopes this is the craziest thing to happen to him
MC: Oscar
ship: Oscar x Harem
so yeah this will my own type of system with it's one rules and everything, also yeah hope people like this
Sinceramente nunca voy a entender a los autores que hacen a su MC parte Grim ... Osea esa transformación en su puta vida va a poder usarla frente a la gente es estúpido pensar que solo porque es un cazador la gente va a verlo y decir Woo un cazador medio grim quiero ser como el cuando sea grande.......en realidad la reacción más normal y la lógica sería maten a esa basura antes de que reproduzca..( no trato de ofender pero tenía que decirlo)
Hello, I read the story and I must say it's good, but there are some things I don't like.An example would be writing,Sometimes it is difficult to read, for example, the third person, sometimes during the narration Oscar suddenly says something in the middle of the narration, and that is a bit confusing,What I want to suggest is at least if you want the character to speak with his name and then a colon so as not to confuse , example: Oscar: oh no, Beacon is going to fall, I have to avoid it. It is also better that you end the narration so that the character can speak, not that in the middle of the narration the character says something and continues the narration as if no one had spoken. Well, this is all the problem I had. Thank you for reading. I'm sorry if my English is bad.
One question, if this is a rewrite of the previous version, does it mean that you will make several changes to it because if so, I'm looking forward to it in another note since you made a story giving Oscar the lead role instead of the usual thing, which would be to use Jaune or ruby otaught that in the future you could do a husttia using whitley to see how you get on developing the skills of the youngest of the schnne otthought you could make it more strategic or combine the glyphs with a fighting style that allows him to use a gun and sword like Nero from DMC(Devil May Cry) What do you think of the idea?
So what do I think of the story? it not bad but it dose need work. The story in it self is good, good pacing maybe a bit slow but that’s not a bad thing. Over all it is a good read
The grammar and misspelling is horrible, I don’t see how you can reread your work even once before posting and not see how bad it is, or at least put it through something like Microsoft Word that will catch all of the spelling mistakes. Beyond just the writing quality it has its problems story wise, plot holes and inconsistencies, and the characters are both different from how they are originally, but also they feel inconsistent with how they are written.
This is not a review but something i am doing for this Fanfic, it is for more interaction with the community so yeah Per week 50 power stones = 1 Bonus Ch 100 power Stones = 2 to 3 Bonus Ch 20 CommentsNew Ch = Bonus Ch for the next Ch (This has to be done in one day, and had too be 20 different people) 40 Comments for new Ch = Double upload the whole next Week (This has to be done in one day, and had too be 40 different people) Keeping this fanfic in the Top 5 = Bonus Ch on Monday
Why do people make their characters part-insert-creature-here (in this case grim) it just is so damn edgy to me and also it's focking useless because he won't use it in ANY fight if someone else is around him also there is the fact that the grammar sometimes is bad and it's just enough to annoy my retarded ass anyway and it doesn't help the fact that the writing makes me sleepy I will keep but I will keep forcing myself to read since there is no good RWBY fic
I love RWBY, it's good to see a story with Oscar as the protagonist, the most underrated character in the anime. It's fun to see the character being explored and trained without needing a manipulative idiot full of secrets like Ozpin. I hope your story goes far, friend, don't abandon it out of nowhere.
The writing is catastrophically bad from the ground up, with every chapter reeking of rushed, careless, and utterly incompetent storytelling. It’s clear the author has no grasp of basic grammar, spelling, or sentence structure typos, misspellings, and nonsensical phrases litter the text like a minefield. The prose is so awkward and clunky it’s almost painful to read, and this is not an exaggeration. The sentences are repetitive, often incomplete or run-on, and filled with awkward word choices that make even simple descriptions confusing or meaningless. The tense shifts wildly and inexplicably, destroying any chance for narrative consistency. The dialogue is equally horrendous. It lacks any natural rhythm or personality, instead serving as an infuriating info dump where characters constantly state the obvious or narrate their own actions out loud. There is zero subtext or nuance, making every conversation feel stiff and robotic. The constant interruptions from the “system” (presented in brackets) feel like lazy, clunky game mechanic inserts rather than clever storytelling devices. This “system” does nothing but spit out redundant warnings or status updates that stall the action and wreck any sense of immersion. Rather than adding depth or flavor, it makes the narrative feel fragmented and juvenile. The pacing is a disaster. Action scenes are jarringly inserted without proper buildup or context, so the reader can’t connect with what’s happening. The fights themselves are poorly choreographed in words clumsy, confusing, and lacking any vivid imagery or tension. Transitions between scenes are abrupt and jarring, as if the author is skipping over any actual storytelling to rush to the next event. There is no worldbuilding or atmosphere to ground the reader in the setting, making the forest, the Grimm, and even the characters feel hollow and unconvincing. The scenes of forest fire and Grimm attacks feel like afterthoughts rather than integral, believable parts of the story. The protagonist, Oscar, is bland and boring. His inner thoughts are repetitive and shallow, showing no real personality or emotional depth. Instead of engaging the reader, his reactions often feel robotic or forced. He lacks motivation or unique traits that would make him relatable or interesting. The supporting characters are no better Qrow, a beloved character from the official RWBY universe, is shoehorned in awkwardly with a half-baked reason for him being in the same area as Oscar so he can choose Oscar to watch over ruby while she attends beacon it’s clichés instead of depth. His dialogue is stilted and awkward, robbing him of the charm or wit that makes him compelling in the original series. Plot-wise, the story is predictable and cliché-ridden. It relies on tired tropes like the “system” mechanic, accidental forest fire, and random Grimm attacks without any fresh take or creative spin. There is no real tension or stakes because the author never develops the conflict beyond surface level. Instead, it’s a collection of scenes that feel pasted together haphazardly, without a coherent narrative thread or meaningful character growth. The climax of the Wendigo fight is underwhelming and poorly described, making what should be a thrilling moment fall flat. Technically, the formatting is inconsistent and sloppy. Random bracketed system messages disrupt the flow, paragraph breaks are awkward, and there is little attention to readability or presentation. It reads like a first draft dumped online with zero revision, editing, or care for the reader. The inconsistent use of capitalization and punctuation further signals the author’s inexperience and lack of effort. In summary, this fanfiction is an unmitigated disaster. The writing is a nightmare to read, riddled with spelling errors, grammar failures, and baffling phrasing. The dialogue is stilted and unnatural. The pacing is erratic and poorly handled. The characters are flat and uninteresting. The plot is bland, clichéd, and poorly constructed. The entire work shows no sign of editing, polish, or even basic storytelling understanding. It’s not just bad it actively frustrates and wastes the reader’s time. Anyone looking for quality RWBY fanfiction should steer far, far away from this trainwreck.
The quality is good and all, but the fight scenes are rushed and the the grammer is trash. The author cant differentiate between 'e' and 'i'. For well he says will.
Overall good. The main issue is, I think you need someone to read over it and fix the english. That alone could drive people away. but its been a interesting read. Has potential.
it's looking good so far so keep up the amazing work
This is a fun read and a fun story, so far i have enjoyed it very much, would have been 5 star if not for the First 4 Ch, Other wishes this is a good and enjoyable story, So people don't Judge it by the first 4 Ch
THids is to all the review i hyavce been seeeing given to thi9s fanfic recnetly, we give reviews not comments like Ënglish is Horrible"or something like that, as ftriend of the Author i dont like anyone who does this here, or anywhere, so to them fuck of
I like it a lot!! one of the best rwby stories I've found so far. Although I have the same opinion as Tasma_Yeasmin that the first 4 chapters could have been better. But for the rest so far I love it.