No System? No Problem! (Rebellion Against the Heavenly Fate)

My shameless self plug :) Hope you enjoy my first work!! I'll be sharing more backstory and explanations of why things happen. I hope you stick around to find out more about Sam, Lucius, Pari and why they struggle and Rebel Against Fate! Comments and feedback are welcomed!

This definitely is a story worth checking out. First of all, there are almost no grammar mistakes, which for an original seems to be a hard hurdle to pass. Now, as the title suggest, the story is about an OP Main Character. Such stories can be interesting, but can also end up as only wish fulfillment. It’s really a thin thread between those two. The most important thing is to not make the mainfocus be the action, rather something different like politics or philosophy I believe though, that this will turn into one of the better OP stories, as the world is well defined, and I can see that the story has a layout and knows where to go. I personally find that the POV Changes are good, and sometimes even essential if you make a story with your own world, but as others have noted, if they are switched too often, it can be difficult to follow the story, and in the worst case make you forget who the MC actually is. A POV Change should always revolve around the MC, and should be used to further the plot in which MC is the focus. I can see it is well done here though. Lastly, we have the characters. I don’t know if that was planned or not, but the Main Character scares me. It’s good though. It’s very good, I find that interesting. However, if that is not the plan, I’d recommend to tone i think down a bit when it comes to her actions and responses. What I mean is that we have a character that is full of innocence, killing many different things and beings. It is scary for me, because it’s a character who has a lot of power, but doesn’t understand what can be done with it. To summarize, it’s a 5 star for me. It’s definetly one of the better novels around here. Anyone interested in OP Characters in a fantasy setting should check this story out. I will also continue reading it to see where it will go.

Overall, it’s quite an interesting story. At the start it might be quite confusing but as you read on you will start to straighten up the storyline by yourself. - If you switch p.o.v. could you state so. This can be quite confusing at times - Power levels are not really mentioned. - How powerful are gods? How powerful are the countries?

Here are some of my impressions of your work. * I find the writing flow quite well. There were a few spelling/grammar errors here and there, but nothing too distracting. * The POV shifts were a bit disorienting. I know that the side characters' actions will eventually affect the MC, but you should restrain yourself, don't let other characters take too much screen time. And try to limit the shifts to at most 3 per chapter. * The tone is rather inconsistent. It was somewhat serious one moment, then shifted to comedy the next, then shifted back to seriousness. The battle between the two old masters in chapter 6 and 7 is an example. Having comedy is okay, but don't overdo it. It might make the scene feel redundant and unimportant. OR, if you've aimed at comedy from the start, then it will be very hard to put in a serious scene.

I would skip the Prologue, very confusing, other than that good story. While I wish the characters were older, so I could immediately be like, "Ohhh mayor's son is hot stuff!" I don't mind. I enjoy the MC who I know will grow in power and come out of her shell.

Note: I give 5 stars despite whatever I write below. This review is given as of 7 chapters. Writing Quality 5/5: Excellent grammar, sentence structure, etc. I think this may be the first time I gave a 5/5 for writing quality on a review. Updates: Don't know. New reader. Story Development 3/5: It's not that the story isn't good. Because it is. It's just that I'm 7 chapters in and I still don't really know much of what's going on. What's the big goal?. The fight and backstory took 6 long chapters. There's just too much going on with little development. We're watching Sam. Just when I start to like her and develop a connection to the character, BAM! Now we're watching grandpa. Okay, let's follow that for a bit... oh. Now we're in a backstory. So much happening but so little being explained to the reader within that time. Character Design 4.5/5: Characters are interesting and I like them. Especially Sam and grandpa. Could be a bit more descriptive on looks. Author is really good at describing fight scenes between characters. World Background. Both 5/5 and 2.5/5: here's why. The world is interesting right from the beginning. Woah! We got magic, knights, and junk. Cool. Oh, we also have electronics such as cellphones. Oh, okay. Is it an Earth-like world? Oh, we've also got Gods and the characters are saying things that sound like Buddhist attacks to me... Yeah, I'm lost. I feel like the world has 5/5 potential. It reminds me a bit of Naruto because of the mix of tech and magic. But there's just too much going on too soon for me to absorb and process it all. Advice for author. Note: These are my biased thoughts and may not necessarily be correct. 1. Drop the multiple perspectives at least in the beginning. We need time to get acquainted with MC and her world-view first. This has an extra benefit as well. If MC watches the beginning fight, then when Gramps and the bad guy are yelling out their weird Buddhist-sounding attacks then the MC can express confusion on having no idea what the hell is happening. Then the reader isn't lost. The reader is connecting with the MC because neither MC or reader knows what's happening. Also, now there's a reason for all or at least some of whats going on to be explained to her by grandpa after the fight is over. 2. Too much introduced too soon. Magic, Buddhist sounding attacks, knights, electricity, etc. This might get resolved by just getting rid of the multiple perspectives as mentioned earlier though.

The story development is spectacular and the writing seems mature.The intro baffled me a bit but the overall description and the character development made up for that little glitch-Kudos to your first work,keep writing! -LOVE MISHAL.

You obviously have a strong sense of grammar and sentence structure. The first chapter reads like a really smart person narrating, while being as verbose as possible. I will keep in on my list, because I can see that you have quite a bit of talent. There is a fine balance between being creative with the story and being creative with the description of every detail of the setting.

Really good, I look forward to the continuation! He falls into my library without hesitation your story really deserves to be in the top 100, to all the next readers >>>>>>>>> do not stop at the prologue, it is confusing but the following is worth the detour 140...140...140...140...140...140...140...140...140...140...140...140...140...140...140...140...140...140...140...140...140...140...140...140...140...140...

Cleverly written, a nice dose of comedy, an interesting cultivation System, and it's well written! The backstory is quite intriguing as well!

Not bad to give a try. Story is refreshing and original. Prologue might be confusing, but is just the prologue. Creative character build, especially the main character, Sam, not one you would expect. The plot also seems promising, hope for a good story.

Reveal Spoiler

Reveal Spoiler

So I personally love this story although it's a bit confusing at times I think it's really well written, which is it's strong point because it feels so professional that I actually think that I'm reading a published novel. The world building is intricate and your main character is both a blend of unique and clichè! Your characters are well fleshed out and while sometimes the change of tone is slightly jarring over all it's a great novel which I will definitely follow!