Bewitching Eyes

You have a good idea. I feel like I am not in the story. I am suggesting that you try to show instead of telling what characters are doing. here is website http://***.wright.edu/~david.wilson/eng3830/creativewriting101.pdf

Yes, there are minor errors but hey, it was a fun read. I quite enjoyed it actually. But as a reader what I can say is that I cant feel what the MC feels. I mean he felt like a stranger that just being gossip to me. Just that. I hope this will help and I'll keep updated! Adding it to my library. Let's keep on improving👍🏻 nice idea btw. Every fan of this kind of genre would really enjoy it.

Giving the first review as the shameless author of this novel. The story is like practice match for me. I will do many experiments in this story to get the feedback of the readers. So please kindly guide me and help me improve the writing quality, character design and story development in a way that can help me in the future. And please don't ignore my mistakes and also don't curse me or be angry when reading this novel. I will be making thousands of mistakes and I expect thousands of advice too. Please guide me.

*Remember, this review is based on the first 5 chapters* Constructive Criticism: You said "Break of 3-4 Days" but it has been 3 months, I would suggest if/when you come back to this you set it up to update automatically so that such an issue does not likely happen again. Positive Feedback: Well written well executed story. Good flow, and I don't notice many if any mistakes.;,;. Personal Feedback: I'm honestly not really a fan of novels in which the MC makes their own Harem, and really, I tend to stay away from Harem in general for the most part (w/ exceptions being like "Isekai wa smartphone no tomo ni" AKA "In Another World with my Smartphone" where the Harem was forced upon the MC), therefore I will not be continuing this novel.;,;.

Ohk your story seems interesting Mc carefree guy but not lazy work hard to survive & wonder what next on his journey for vengeance or love oh 3...😂😂😂 would keep going it was read...... oh make system nagging mother 🤣🤣🤣🤣

You need to shore up your grammar skills. You have a lot of missing commas, unnecessary addition of -ed, and wordy sentences. But considering you just started, it is okay. Add more sensory details; you say forest, but what about it? Your characters need more depth to them. What drives them? What weird quirks do they have? How do they deal with issues? etc... Keep writing and you will get better, just never give up!

Your writing quality seems really good and the story development is interesting. Your stability of story is also a plus point of ur novel. keep writing! one good story

Your writing was not perfect but still understandable so it's not a big deal. U also updated regularly and I liked the idea of your world. The character design seemed well thought but the story development and your pacing still have rooms to improve. Overall, well done and good luck :)

I love what I read so far though I only read 2 1/2 chapters I'd definitely come back hope you continue and just reading this to calm my mind so that I can write my second chapter has helped me

Writing Quality is good, there are little to no errors, some sentences were rough but still acceptable, how you describe something is a little bit lacking. Stability of Uodates is not consistent enough. Story Development is too fast paced. In Chapter 1 things happened too quickly, and there are some keypoints missing like, but since it's only starting, I guess it will be explained on the next chapters(If it will have) Character Design is acceptable. It lacks description on how the MC looks and what his personality is. World Background is also good, so no complaints there.

This book is actually interesting. Though the plot may seem weird, it is something that I might look forward to. Overall, I can say that reading may open others to venture into a new horizon. But if I may say so, dear author, you can still improve your work! Keep it up! And Goodluck! 😊

it's not mentioned in the Synopsis but the MC want's a harem, that's the most important part of the novel i think 'seeing how the title is about the name of the skill' so if you are a person who likes novels about a system and also one that have a harem you can try this one.

Supporting you..... ................................................ Keep up the good work. You are doing great for a newbie. But do try to keep it original

Giving five stars because i like harem and system genre in novel. But it seems like you will suffer a lot in converting this romance novel in a harem novel. You said you are experimenting with the story? i will be glad to help. I wish though that he can be different form the cliche MC in novels. The writing needs improvement though