Reborn as naruto with system

The SHAMELESS author here..... 1. First few chapters have many grammatical errors. But it will get good in later chapters 2. At least read 20chap before giving a review :3 3. English is not my first language. so there can be many small mistakes. If you can avoid those mistakes then give this fanfic a chance -.-

Mah. Branding it as wish fulfillment would be considered an understatement. The MC can buy skills and bloodlines from the system, and gift them to his loved ones. Not my cup of tea.

Current chapter: 29 Yeah, author come here. Get closer. Closer, *whispers* why did you give a logia devil fruit TO A WORLD THAT HAS NO HAKI!! You probably know this but the MC should literally be untouchable, but not to worry you could have overcome this issue with good execution, great dialog and interesting character integrations, but man, you are bad. Tips: See and don't tell - you don't have to narrate everything the person is doing For lemon scene - too many pronouns, use complex and compound sentences. use descriptive language, disturb how the persons feel physically and emotionally. Don't rush - making love should be passionate, not h*ntai. Pro tip: describe the little things, the little details that shows that the person cares. You passing is too fast in my book, and it doesn't feel like I am reading a gurney, instead I feel like I am reading ideas out of someone's head as they come up with what to say. Last tip: if you have novels that you think are expertly executed and you enjoy the character interaction, the power scaling, they do the fight scenes, the setting, immersion etc. read it again and analyze it. so how he does the dialogs, what does he make the MC say vs what he feels, how does he scribe what the MC is seeing or feeling and the list goes on. Its a lot of work but if you want to get good, you need to do all that. No getting around it.

Reveal Spoiler

a promising fan fic I hope author writes more I can see great potential here, well at least it's fun reading ................................

[img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend]

More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More

moreeeeeeeeeeeeeeererreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeemoreeeeeeeeeeeeeeererreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeemoreeeeeeeeeeeeeeererreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

This is really promising! I look forward to the full story 'till the end and without the author dropping it! .

................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

No need to write anything for it's good!

Bien....muy buen trabajo y si empezamos medio flojo. ..pero ahora se siente bieeen....se parece un poco al trio de MC mejore de los fics..akira...lee

Its Good but problem I have is MC shpuld have trained more and also May be training Arc a bit interesting,I understand changimg stpry so why not do that train fully and then come back or may be use shadow clones yraining as cliche you know wish fullfillment amd all but Its not my complaint ,Its enjoyable anyways althpugh I prefer Little more fun

i hope you won't drop it[img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update]