LoanShark Devil Guy

Reveal Spoiler

It has a very interesting storyline! It's worth the read. The only thing to comment on was the grammar and paragraph splitting however, it does gradually get better! Keep up the hard work!

I had a very fun time reading this story and everything was laid out great. I didn't have trouble reading anything and I like the plotline. Good job author keep it up!

Writing quality is pretty niche. Though good details and volume when it comes to emotions and characters. Some tenses are abruptly incorrect or poor. I blame on the lack of english but at the same atleast a good attempt in storytelling. Stability is rather wonky for now as it is super delayed or slow for now. No furthur updates here on out. Story developement is pretty small but seems to prove a very good idea and initiation. Character design is a little flawed, making use of stereotopic archetypes that are constantly used. Having their themes , their motives and reasons are rather awkwardly missing. World background however is pretty reasonably up to its date. Understandable and really in broadcating its environement. With a little more practice, you can get better over time. :D I am proud of your work.

Pretty interesting! The plot seems nice specially the introduction. Anyways, you probably need to add quotation marks so the readers won't have a problem figuring out what's the dialogs and what's not

I liked the song at the beginning and I felt like the story progressed in quite an abstract way after that. I did enjoy it definitely worth a read. My one bit of constructive criticism would be: Stick to the same format throughout. For example; towards the end it started to read a little bit more like a movie script. Character 1: "abc" Character 2: "xyz" Try and keep it consistent throughout. For example: "Hey I like your hair" says Bruce. "Oh thank you!" replies Sally. "Well, yadda yadda yadda" "Sure! blabba blabba blabba" If they're just talking back and forth, you don't need to introduce them each time. Trust your readers to figure it out. If its unclear who's talking maybe chuck in a couple of: "blah blah blah" she said, twirling her hair. "blah blah blah" he replied raising an eyebrow. That's what I do anyway, hope it helps.

It started out promising and the demonic theme is intriguing. There is definitely potential, if polished, this story could be a great one. The switch between the format of the dialogues, between using colons and parenthesis is a bit jarring. I would suggest you stick to one. Good job, keep improving.

this story is very insteresting! I really like demonic theme and if you like this kind of theme too, this one is absolutely your cup of tea! the first chapter is a little bit confusing because of the style you write the dialogue (sometimes didn't have any mark, sometimes using " .. ", and sometime use : like in a theatre script). But it become better and better and the plot is so interesting! Just one, I recommend you to choose just one style as a mark that the sentence is dialogue. It will make the reader easier to read your work. Good job! waiting for more chapterss 🥰🥰

This is a nice novel! I don't expect to rate 5-star at first since the novel is still relatively new. However, I found that this novel has very good potential! The plot is also interesting with good world background. Can't wait for more update. Good job author!

Did not expect to like the story as much as I do based on the synopsis but the story quickly proved me wrong. 10/10 very well written novel so far. This is my first novel from this author but I cannot wait to see more.

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This book is a nice read, granted way far out of what I am used to reading and the writing style that author has is interesting, it peeked my interest which many books don't. It has a lot of growth room and potential. interested to see the authors take on this devil story

This story shows a lot of promise, with a MC that I already feel invested in, and a plot that started to grow on me right away. As with any work in progress, there'll always be a few grammar and punctuation mistakes to clear up. I find them in my work all the time, and this is what makes us develop as writers. Keep up the hard work, and I look forward to reading more.