Vesryn Pulse

It's obvious that the writer is new at the job, but the work is more than good for webnovel standard. Pros: Less jargon. First person writing. Was decently tackled. Description is given just enough so you can imagine not to your heart's content, but like i said, just enough. Grammar is okay. Characters are likable. Cons: Story pacing is a bit too fast. An unwanted mix of present and past tenses. Less fleshing out of the world and its events. Action scenes could be written a lot better. **: The theme of your action scenes is good, but you are telling that something happened without showing it. For example: [Blinding scythes, glowing hacks, and violent barrage of stabs gave of echoing sounds in the room. Our sword made a lot of the talking. Because of my slight mastery on dual wielding which I practiced for days, this time, he was not able to make a scratch at me. His rapiers are faster than my sword, but there is no way I can't block his attacks with two of my swords. Instead, I managed to graze his outfit. I sliced his black suit which revealed a white uniform; the uniform of the Dragon Knight Academy. I didn't get surprised by that. I continued to attack while he started to step back and try to get away with the fight.] That above paragraph is yours. If you look at it, there are so many problems in it, at least that's what I feel. The first two sentences are good. But then look at this one: "Because of my slight mastery on dual wielding which I practiced for days, this time, he was not able to make a scratch at me." Here, in the middle of the fight, you are talking about the character's mastery and that's why he's unable to scratch the guy let alone beat him. This sentence alone can be taken in lots of ways. The fight should have ended right away after you've written that sentence, if you get what I mean. Next, take this one: " I sliced his black suit which revealed a white uniform; the uniform of the Dragon Knight Academy. I didn't get surprised by that." You just told that you sliced it. How did you manage to slice it? And instead of telling the character wasn't surprised, you could have just made him say a word or two and let his opinion now. Dialogue in between the fight will help bring the pacing down. I found a lot more problems, especially in the fights, but I think you should have already understood enough from the above example. Your writing style is indeed decent, but put a little effort into knowing the craft. Then you wouldn't do such mistakes . Hope, it helped.

This review is for your hard work. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Worth Reading ------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This is a pretty good original story, however the pacing is a little quick and if slowed down probally could help build the world as we read. It does have wording issues, words are used in the wrong place, and sometimes missing. Despite the issues I still give this a rather high rating for good characters and a very very interesting story. I hope updates continue to come and the story continues to grow. I give it a optimistic 4/5 keep up the good work.

Updates are daily! Please rate and gimme powerstones! It's a proven fact that generosity makes you a happier person, Totally! ...........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Jeez, why didn't I found this story long ago? I just finished reading this and it so amazing. The author really is so good... I'm reading the the Gate Guardian story and it is also good, but I haven't started the wrath of xenon, but I think it is also good... Make us some more stories dear author, totally!!!! Yeah, totally!!😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊

thank you for the answer it good story. sorry for that question because some one ever copy work from fan fic naruto in this web ........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Thought this looked familiar then realised I've read it over a year ago back on RRL, Glad to see you're back hopefully? .,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,..,.,.,.,.,.,..,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,..,.,.,.,.,.,..,.,.,.,.,.,..,.,.,.,..,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,

Shameless 10th Review so that I can get my ratings! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Don't hate me, please 😅

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