Reincarnation: Advent of a Light Mage in a VRMMO
In a futuristic world where technology surpasses anything we imagined, Kayde finds himself struggling through a life of loss and betrayal. His hard-earned achievements have been stolen by his superiors, his father tragically lost to an accident, and now he watches helplessly as the rest of his family slips away, victims of a broken healthcare system that can’t seem or even want to try to cure them.
Desperate for a way out, Kayde turns to a game called Astrologia Online, rumored to turn players into millionaires overnight. But in his haste, he makes a grave mistake—falling into a trap that binds him to a servant contract. In the process, he loses the last thing he cared about—his family.
Devastated and broken, Kayde retreats to his room, consumed by regret. Just as he drowns in despair while dying, a voice echoes through the darkness, offering him a lifeline:
“Would you like to go back?”
What follows is Kayde’s journey through the game and his own life, as he uncovers startling and sometimes dark truths about family, friendship, love, and the world he thought he knew. His quest becomes one of redemption, discovery, and the pursuit of a second chance in a reality where both victory and ruin are just one decision away.
Hey Author here! I’m new to writing even though I have another novel. I dropped due to ideas for it just fading fast so I gave up. This one though I intend to keep due to my desire to be a writer. Let me know if you guys like my novel. If not then that’s ok too.
Overall Impression: Your story showcases a compelling concept with great potential. The protagonist's clear motivation for self-improvement sets a solid foundation for character growth. Your world-building efforts are commendable, establishing a robust framework for future development. The focus on family improvement is a refreshing angle, rarely seen outside of harem novels. The pacing is well-managed, avoiding the pitfall of rushed storytelling. Areas for Improvement: 1. Point of View (POV): - First-person sections: While you effectively convey the protagonist's thoughts and feelings in some parts, consistency could be improved. Remember, this POV's strength lies in deep emotional connection with the main character. - Third-person sections: Avoid directly addressing the reader. Maintain an omniscient narrator perspective. Be cautious of accidental shifts to first-person (e.g., using "we"). 2. Grammar and Editing: - Consider a thorough edit before transitioning to a premium novel. This will help retain readers and maximize the potential of the "new novel" feature. 3. World-Building Consistency: - Address potential plot holes, such as the protagonist's continued gameplay despite becoming an in-game slave. Perhaps explore how the game's integration with society affects real-world contracts. - Clarify the level 150 area mentioned in the story. The presence of low-level monsters in a high-level area seems unconventional for most games. 4. Character Development: - While the first-person POV limits deep exploration of side characters, their personalities come through in interactions with the protagonist. - The love interest's character arc could benefit from more gradual development. The shift from shy behavior to intimate involvement feels abrupt and might benefit from a more nuanced progression. In conclusion, your story shows great promise. By refining these elements, you can elevate the quality of your work and create an even more engaging reading experience for your audience.