Alpha warriors

honestly couldn't make it through the first page, you need an editor. Badly. There were 2 main things that were really difficult to get over within the first paragraphs before I started skimming to deciding I can't do this. The first is having people talk after a colon, instead of putting what they are saying inside of quotes. I read a lot and things like unconventional grammer are really distracting. It was made worse by having the main character talk only to herself, at least if there had been another person it could have at least been script-like (another person did show up and talk the same way but I had already started skimming by the time I got that far) The second biggest distraction is the fact that you are telling us (the audience/readers) everything that is happening. It's not just you like 90% of authors on this site/app have the same issue. If you've never looked up "When should I show vs tell the readers something" I highly recommend looking into it. When reading your book I don't feel like the main character, I feel like I'm being told about the main character. This isn't the kind of connection that's engaging (at least in my opinion.) For example in one of the early paragraphs you almost used a simile to describe how heavy her feet were. I say almost because a simile is used uses a noun and and object to make a comparison that would imply the situation. If you had said something along the lines of "her feet were like lead, dragging across the floor on the way to the shower", I would figured out that her feet felt heavy likely due to being tired and that she went to the shower but instead you used the word like to compare her feet to heavy which is a concept (not an object) and directly tell me that her feet are heavy making the comparison moot in the first place. Back to the first thing again about showing vs telling. (I did have a third thing I was going to mention but I forgot over how long it took me to type this.) I'm honestly struggling to articulate my thoughts on the matter because I didn't read enough that I can try to use as examples but it's like I don't feel like I'm part of the world. The descriptions of locations (like her bedroom) is so vague or not described at all that I can't really "see" what her room looks like in my imagination. (though maybe you did later in the chapter after I gave up and I just feel like it may have been described in the wrong place.) Anyway I'm going to stop rambling (cause my work break is over) The only question I have is does any of that (especially grammer) change in the story in later chapters (which might make it worth attempting to read) or did you stay consistent? If it does then I'll try to read further and I'll change this review to something less critical (unless it does end up just being bad)